humor: aug 04 -- Internet Addiction

[Nick Brown <nbrown@polymail.cpunix.calpoly.edu>]

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Note from Jan S. --
  Nick -
  "It's a Guy Thing was great, humorous AND accurate.
  I'm sure there must be an equally amusing and accurate
  "It's a GAL thing" around.  Although, er, at the moment,
  not a thing comes to mind... :-) :-)

  I sure hope someone else submits it soon!
  Thanks for brightening my days!
  Jan S.


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HELP FOR INTERNET ADDICTION AVAILABLE NOW

Hello.

Your name was given to us by a spouse or family member who is concerned
about your internet addiction. At Internetaholics Anonymous, we can help.

Yes, you--we're talking to you. You, looking at this screen for hours on
end, online. You, bleary eyed. You, an addict. Have you looked in the
mirror lately?Been outside? Know what day of the week it is? Have you
checked downstairs to see if your family still lives with you?

We're a non-profit society of recovering addicts like yourself that
provides support and counseling through weekly (off-line) meetings designed
to help you cope with your problem.

We feature a twelve-step recovery program and in extreme cases,
interventions. Although it is our firm belief that you are never
"cured,"you most certainly can recover.

We have designed a brief checklist to determine if you are an addict. Do you:

1) Have twitches of the hand when you walk by your terminal?

2) Check e-mail more than five times a day?

3) Spend more time chatting than eating or sleeping?

4) Surf aimlessly with no direction, if only to be online?

5) Leave your name and information at countless sites if only to hope
you'll receive a reply one day from a company you'll never do business with
anyway?

6) Log on before important personal habits, such as meal preparation,
person hygiene or bodily functions?

7) Have red, swollen eyes that hang halfway out of your head?

8) Spend hours online on a holiday from work, where you'd usually be
griping about your carpal tunnel syndrome?

9) See smoke arising from your computer or WebTV box?

10) All of the above?

If you answered yes to four or more questions (or chose #10), you have a
problem. Please call us at Internetaholics Anonymous at:

1-800-LOG_OFF_NOW

We're here, we're free, and we're confidential. The first step to recovery
is admission that you have a problem.

Call us today. That is, if you can power off to free up your phone line.

[forwarded by Mark Rayburn]

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                      humor                            1.94.3+
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