[humorix] Virgin Mary Relic Destroyed by Internet Cult

[James Baughn <jbaughn@ldd.net>]

Virgin Mary Relic Destroyed by Internet Cult
Paul Ferris, paulferris@linuxtoday.com
June 25, 1999

ST. PAUL, MINNESOTA -- Religious supporters here today were
shocked as one of the most amazing sightings of the Virgin
Mary was destroyed in a desparate action by a crazed
Internet based cult.

The miraculous sighting was hailed by the Pope as proof
that Bill Gates is an emissary of God.  Unmistakably
interspersed in the numbers of an infamous Blue Screen of
Death (BSOD), the screen that displays when a Windows NT
computer crashes, was the outline of the Virgin Mary.  Some
said  she appeared to hold a baby in her arms.  Others
claimed it was a copy of Windows 98.  In either case, it
amazed onlookers who quickly spread the word around the
world.

But even as people streamed in from all corners of the
globe, the artifact was destroyed by a member of another
religious sect.  The secret society, which hails to the
pagan god "Linus", infiltrated the flocking crowds and
succeeded in defacing the blessed PC artifact.

Fathers Tom and Paul Knapp were some of first priests
involved in controlling the hoards of people who flocked
here to view the sight.  Last week, Father Thomas was
quoted as saying "We are so darn blessed to have seen this
in our lifetimes.  I've often wondered if God has been
trying to speak to me somehow when my computer crashes. 
Now here I have incontrovertible proof. It's a miracle!"

Father Paul Knapp was the initial priests called in to
verify the claim, and to bless the UPS that was hooked up
to the computer.  Power was one of the initial concerns
when it came to dealing with the relic.  If power was lost
to the computer, the BSOD would disappear, taking the image
of the Virgin with it.  Father Paul, who appeared extremely
shaken by the powerful event, had this to say: "It's
important that a relic such as this one be preserved for
all to see, but I must warn that sprinkling Holy Water on
an  UPS is not wise!  Kids, don't try this at home."

But all the caution was to be for naught.  The entire event
was brought to a close yesterday when during a prayer
vigil a youngster from the Linux cult rebooted the
computer and installed a copy of Debian Linux.  The sect,
with over 10 million Internet members, is said to be locked
in a holy war at the moment, and condemns all Microsoft
software as evil. 

"No one was looking at the time she did it," explained
Father Tom.  "Some of the people noticed her approach the
keyboard, but everyone was kneeling and the incense burning
was at a climax at the moment she inserted the evil 
CD-ROM.  By the time we all looked up, there was a mocking
penguin on the screen and the Virgin was gawn!"

Some of the followers first to notice the changed screen
claimed that the  small girl had installed software that
possessed the PC with daemons.  Others present remarked
that the penguin looked evil, almost demonic.  The child
was quoted as saying "No, you guys must have Linux confused
with FreeBSD".  Although few people understood what this
meant, several onlookers defended the small girls
actions.  Still others believed the small girl herself to
be possessed of an evil entity, possibly Linus himself.

Whatever the case may be, the owner of the PC claims that
he no longer even has hope of reproducing the relic, as the
computer no longer produces BSODs.  Father Paul Knapp
pointed to this as further proof that the software is of
demonic origins, and should be banned or boycotted by the
church.



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