humor: jul 03 -- Miscellany

["Tim Treaster" <tim@bytewaresys.com>]

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                              Nick's G-Rated Humor List
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ONLY BY DAY.......
A motorist, after being bogged down in a muddy road, paid a passing farmer
ten dollars to pull him out with his tractor.   After he was back on dry
ground he said to the farmer, "At those prices, I should think you would be
pulling people out of the mud night and day."

"Can't," replied the farmer.  "At night I haul water for the hole."


WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE.......
Q: What is the difference between an
Italian actuary and a Sicilian actuary?

A: An English actuary can tell you how
many people are going to die next year.
A Sicilian actuary can give you their names.


WHEN I'M A LITTLE OLD LADY
       ___
      (___)   When I'm a little old lady
     /`     `\  Then I'll live with my children
    /   /"\   \     and bring them great joy.
    \_/o o\_/ To repay all I've had
      (  _  )      from each girl and boy
      ` \ /`     I shall draw on the walls
     /\\V//\      and scuff up the floor;
    / /_  _\ \  Run in and out
    \ \__ _/ /     without closing the door.
     \/===\/  I'll hide frogs in the pantry,
     ||       ||      socks under my bed.
     ||       ||  Whenever they scold me,
     ||_ _ _||      I'll hang my head.
     |_____|  I'll run and I'll romp,
         |||        always fritter away
       / Y \   The time to be spent
       `"`"`       doing chores every day.



-- UNVERIFIED TRIVIA -- USE WITH CARE --

 - The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile in
   every five must be straight. These straight sections are
   usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.

 - February 1865 is the only month in recorded history
   not to have a full moon.

 - Montpelier, Vermont is the only U.S. state capital
   without a McDonalds.

 - The Boston University Bridge (on Commonwealth Avenue, Boston,
   Massachusetts) is the only place in the world where a boat
   can sail under a train driving under a car driving under
   an airplane.


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                      humor                            1.94.3+
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