humor: jul 04 -- Summer Reruns

["Tim Treaster" <tim@bytewaresys.com>]

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Date: Thu, 6 Jun 1996
Subject: WORST ANALOGIES

My thanks to Gary Dismukes for
forwarding these winners of the
"worst analogies ever written
in a high school essay" contest.


The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly
the way a bowling ball wouldn't. (Russell Beland, Springfield)

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag
filled with vegetable soup. (Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring)

>From the attic came an unearthly
howl. The whole scene had an eerie,
surreal quality, like when you're
on vacation in another city and
"Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m.
instead of 7:30.
	(Roy Ashley, Washington)

Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who meant to access
T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung  but got
T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake
(Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills)

She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches
that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up
whenever you banged the door open again.
(Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station)

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience,
like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse
without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes
around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers
of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with
a pinhole in it.  	(Joseph Romm, Washington)

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
(Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
(Russell Beland, Springfield)

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.  (Unknown)

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree. (Jack Bross, Chevy Chase)

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots
when you fry them in hot grease. (Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring)

Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a
movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like
"Second Tall Man." (Russell Beland, Springfield)

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the
grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left
Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19
p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.  (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period
after the Dr. on a Dr.Pepper can. (Wayne Goode, Madison, Ala.)

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that
resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth (Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.)

John and Mary had never met. They were like
two hummingbirds who had also never met.
(Russell Beland, Springfield)

The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a
thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm
scene in a play. (Barbara Fetherolf, Alexandria)

His thoughts tumbled in his head,
making and breaking alliances like
underpants in a dryer without
Cling Free (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

The red brick wall was the color
of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
(Helen Hopp, Yucaipa)


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                      humor                            1.94.3+
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