[Date Prev][Date Next][Thread Prev][Thread Next][Date Index][Thread Index]
[humorix] Jargon Coiner 1.0
Jargon Coiner 1.0
July 12, 1999
Jargon Coiner is an irregular Humorix feature that aims to
give you advance warning -- preferably before Tasty Bits
from the Technology Front picks it up -- of new jargon that
we've just made up. Sit back and enjoy some ficticious
jargon that you won't see used anywhere else.
Loud expletive uttered when a Linux user comes
face-to-face with a computer containing a WinModem. Ex:
"Eric wincursed when his mother showed him the new
computer she bought from CompUSSR... which contained a
WinModem and a WinSoundCard."
Nickname given to the three useless Windows keys that
come on virtually all new keyboards. These keys are
often hit by mistake instead of CTRL or ALT, causing the
user to shout "D'oh!"
1. A new keyboard produced without any wind'oh! keys or
a "Enhanced for Windows 95/98" logo. Extremely rare.
2. A keyboard in which the wind'oh! keys have been
Accidentally posting two or more duplicate comments to
Slashdot, usually as the result of hitting ENTER at the
wrong time or fumbling with the Preview option.
You've Got Slogan
The tendency for reporters to parody the stupid "You've
Got Mail" saying when writing about AOL. Ex: "You've
Got Spam", "You've Got Merger" (the headline for an
article about the Netscape/AOL Merger From Hell)
Ongoing trend to slap a picture of Tux Penguin next to
anything even remotely related to Linux. Ex: "Eric
penguinized his Linux advocacy homepage."
Aimless surfing of the Internet; looking for something
interesting to read while killing time. Often involves
reloaded the Slashdot homepage every 5 minutes to see if
a new article has been posted.
Arduous process of explaining why there's now a LILO
boot prompt on the office computer. Ex: "John had some
lilosplainin' to do after his boss turned on the
computer and the Windows splash screen didn't appear."
Depression that strikes a Linux sysadmin after his
uptime is ruined. Can be caused by an extended power
outtage, a pet chewing through the power cord, a
lightning bolt striking the power line, or an urgent
need to reboot into Windows to read a stupid Word
OSTR (off-switch total recall)
The sudden recollection of something terribly important
you need to do online that occurs exactly 0.157 seconds
after you've shut down your computer.
Filling a humor site with a list of fake jargon instead
of publishing something more substantive (and funny)
that would take more effort to write.
Attempting to explain the concepts of Linux, Open Source
software, free software, and gift cultures to someone
who is not familiar with them. Made extra difficult if
the explainee has been misled by superficial mainstream
news articles about the subject. Ex: "Eric gave an
hour-long free lecture to his mother-in-law after she
asked him about this Linux thingamajig she read about in
Repeatedly running fortune(6) for cheap entertainment.
Ex: "During a coffee break, Bob became bored and started
a for(;;)tune loop. His boss had to issue a SIGTERM to
get him to resume working."
duke of url
A person who publishes their Netscape bookmark file on
wwwlize (pronounced wuh-wuh-wuh-lize)
Habit of unconsciously appending www. in front of URLs,
even when it's not necessary.
Common pronounciation of "double-u double-u double-u"
when orally specifying a wwwlized address.
Hiding a particularly annoying advertising banner by
dragging another window over it, or by placing your hand
on the monitor to cover it up. Ex: "Bob advoided any
Microsoft banners he came across."
Trying to click on an imaginary Stop button on a
program's toolbar after doing something you didn't want
to. Usually caused as the result of excessive use of
Putting "another" or "yet another" in front of a name or
tacking "YA" in front of an acronym. Ex: "We could
ya-prefix this article by titling it 'Yet Another Lame
List of Fabricated Jargon'."
TLDography (pronounced till-daw-graffy)
The study of top leval domains. Ex: "I asked my friend,
a TLDographer, what country .ca stood for, and he
responded, 'California, of course'."
TLDofy (pronounced till-duh-fy)
Identifying a country by its top level domain. Ex: "Oh,
so you're from .de? Sprechen Sie Deutsch?"
A period of time when the brain slips into thinking in
HTML. "Eric suffered an html lapse when he said to
himself, 'You <BLINK>idiot</BLINK>! <B>Olympia</B> is
the capitol of <A HREF="http://www.state.wa.us">
Washington State</A>, not Redmond! What a
The canned response given to someone who misuses the
term "hacker" instead of "cracker".
Going to a bookstore and copying down notes from an
O'Reilly computer book that you can't afford.
deep write mode
Similar to "deep hack mode", but applies to people
writing editorials or (very rarely) Slashdot comments.
We here at Humorix sometimes experience "deep humor
Skirmishes between two or more parties carried out via
strongly-worded editorials published to sites like
Slashdot, Linux Today, etc. ESR and RMS are frequently
engaged in this.
Applying themes and ideas from "Star Wars" and "Star
Trek" to contemporary events. Ex: "Let the Source be
with you!", "Microsoft is the Evil Empire", "Resistance
is futile. You will be assimilated by Microsoft".
Giving a phrase special meaning by appending a trademark
symbol to it. Ex: "Humorix's Vast Spy Network(tm)",
"Think Free Speech, Not Free Beer(tm)", "Real Soon
Now(tm)", "Blue Screen of Death(tm)"
Referring to someone by the first letter of their three
names. Used by some people (RMS and ESR), but not
others (has anybody ever tried to refer to Linus
Torvalds as "LBT"?).
Rhymes With Cynics
The final answer to any debate about how to pronounce
Linux. Of course, "cynics" might not be the best word
to associate Linux with...
Using a service like Netcraft to determine what
operating system and webserver a particular domain is
WISL? (Will It Support Linux?)
The very first thought that springs into a Linux user's
mind when a cool new piece of software or hardware is
JJMD! (Jar Jar Must Die!)
Meaningless reply given to a question or poll for which
you don't have a good answer. Ex: "Q: When did you stop
beating your wife? A: JJMD!"
James S. Baughn
Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note
Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/