[humorix] The Slashdot Conspiracy!

[James Baughn <jbaughn@ldd.net>]

The Slashdot Conspiracy!
Written by humorix.pl
July 29, 1999

[Editor's Note: An anonymous member of our Vast Spy
Network(tm) sent us this exclusive report alleging that
Slashdot is actually an elaborate conspiracy sponsored by
Lucasfilms and the ultra-secret WORLD Organization (WORLD
Organizes Rapid Linux Domination).]

---

Subject: URGENT: Slashdot Conspiracy Uncovered!!!!
From: Vast Spy Network(tm) Operative #412A-9X
To: Humorix World Headquarters: Espionage & Mind Control
    Division
Date: July 28, 1999
X-Transport-Protocol: RFC 1149
X-Transmeta: This report contains no typso.

Sir,

Project "SpyDot" has been successful.  I and my assistants
have been able to infiltrate the "Geek Compound" in
Holland, MI to discover the truth about Slashdot. 
Summarized below are the results of our investigation.

In 1995, "Operation The Whole Enchilada", a conspiracy sponsored
by George Lucas and the WORLD Organization, was launched.
The purpose: to hype SW:Episode 1 and to promote Linux
World Domination by establishing a "News for Nerds" new
media website capable of brainwashing unsuspecting
visitors.

Some quick facts:

* The recent acquisition of Slashdot by Andover News was a
shrewd move to hide the conspiracy behind the front of a
media company[1]. Only a handful of employees at Andover
are aware of Whole Enchilada.

* "Rob Malda" (aka "CmdrTaco", "Taco Boy", "Numero Uno
Dothead") is really a Perl script that simulates Slashdot
articles, comments, email responses, and other online
interactions.  A Lucasfilms employee code-named "AstroTaco"
plays CmdrTaco at Linux conventions and other meatspace
events.

* "Hemos" and "sengan" are simulated by a team of
Lucasfilms marketers[2].  

* All other Slashdot contributors are real people who are
unaware of the conspiracy.  Plausible deniability at its
finest.

* The many articles hyping Star Wars came directly from the Lucasfilms
marketing department.  

* Jon Katz's negative article about Star Wars hype was an
unexpected disaster.  Since then, Jon Katz has been
replaced by a Lucas-friendly Perl script (which explains
why the writing quality of "his" commentaries have
improved). The real Jon Katz was deported to Argentina and
hasn't been heard from since[3].

* The recent Jar Jar bashing was only allowed by Lucasfilms
to quiet (unbrainwashed) critics who were complaining that
Slashdot had too much SW hype.

* Operation The Whole Enchilada is headquartered at the
"Geek Compound" in Holland. Last week I was able to break
into the building (the front door was unlocked).  Among
other things, I found two books entitled "Idiot's Guide to
Astroturf Campaigns" and "World Domination for Dummies".

* The "Slashdot Effect" is sleight-of-hand employed by
WORLD to make Slashdot seem much more popular than it
really is.  Sites mentioned on Slashdot are simultaneously
hit from thousands of WORLD/Lucasfilms computers scattered
across the world in a bizarre "Astroturf Denial-Of-Service
Attack".

In conclusion, The Whole Enchilada conspiracy has been
wildly successful (except perhaps for the foolish idea to
base SW:TPM around Jar Jar Binks, but that's another
Lucasfilms conspiracy altogether).

Footnotes

[1] This explains why the dollar amount paid to "CmdrTaco"
in the Andover "acquisition" was such a guarded secret.

[2] This fact is supported by the recent Slashdot comment
that Hemos is "really written by a team of marketdroids". 
This comment was probably posted by mistake as a result of
a bug in CmdrTaco.pl.  See
http://slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=99/07/16/2155259

[3] The WORLD Organization has powerful contacts within the
Federal Government.

---

Yours in World Domination,

Operative #412A-9X

P.S. Jar Jar Must Die!

P.P.S. I've heard that Humorix is about to have an IPO.  Do
members of the Vast Spy Network(tm) get stock options? Use
of initialized value in line 2614 of humorix.pl.

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