humor: aug 02 -- Bumper Stickers and Philosophy

[Nick Brown <nbrown@polymail.cpunix.calpoly.edu>]

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                              Nick's G-Rated Humor List
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BUMPER STICKERS
	from Randy Walker (The Good Humor man)
	funnyguy@spunge.org

   Boldly going nowhere.

   If you lived in your car,
   you'd be home by now.

   You're just jealous because
   the voices only talk to me.

   Hang up and drive.

   It's lonely at the top,
   but you eat better.

  In Braille: 'If you can read this,
  you're driving too close.'

  Seen on the back of a biker's jacket:
  'If you can read this, my wife fell off.'

AND THE ONE THAT NICK
PROUDLY DISPLAYS ON HIS CAR .....

   I didn't retire -- I surrendered!



OLDIES -- AND MAYBE YOU AND FIND SOME GOODIES!!
From: "bunch o'jokes club" <lclott@turbonet.com>

How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a skin doctor?
A pachydermatologist

What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and
if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
A pool table.

What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.

What do prisoners use to call each other?
Cell phones.

What do the letters D.N.A. stand for?
National Dyslexics Association.

What do you call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.

Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?
They all have phones.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick.



Quotes by the Famous (and not so famous)
""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""
 Selected from a larger collection sent
 by andychaps_the-funnies-owner@egroups.com

*He who waits until circumstances completely favor
 his undertaking, will never accomplish anything.
	  - Martin Luther King Jr.

*You cannot do a kindness too soon because you
 never know how soon it will be too late.
	  - Ralph Waldo Emerson

*A person who has not done half his day's
 work by ten o'clock, runs a chance
 of leaving the other half undone.
	  - Emily Bronte

*No man chooses evil because it is evil;
 he only mistakes if for happiness.
	  - Mary Wollstonecraft

*No change of circumstances
 can repair a defect of character.
	   - Ralph Waldo Emerson

*I'm not afraid of storms,
 for I'm learning to sail my ship.
	- Louisa May Alcott

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                      humor                            1.94.3+
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