humor: may 05 -- "sounds like ...."

[Nick Brown <nbrown@polymail.cpunix.calpoly.edu>]

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                              Nick's G-Rated Humor List
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 Hawaiian Vacation

 A man and his wife were planning a vacation.  They ended up in
 an argument, though...

 "It's 'Hawaii' I'm telling you!" she said.

 "I never KNEW someone so stubborn!  'Havaii' is how it's pronounced!" he
replied.  And so it went all the way to the vacation...

 As they got off the airplane, they passed by a man.  The husband abruptly
stopped the wife and turned to the man to ask, "Now that we're on the island,
you can settle an argument between my wife and I. Is this 'Hawaii' or
'Havaii?'"

 "This is Havaii," the man replied.

 "Ha!" the husband said, turning to his wife, "See, didn't I tell you never to
argue with me?  I'm always right!"  As the began to walk away, he turned back
and gave the man a hearty "Thank you!"

 "You're Velcome!!!"


DEFINITIONS (warning -- puns ahead)
===================================

Antacid: Uncle Acid's wife.

Antelope: How she married my Uncle.

Arbitrator: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.

Avoidable: What a bullfighter tries to do.

Baloney: Where some hemlines fall.

Bernadette: The act of torching a mortgage.

Bottom: What the shopper did when she found the shoes that she wanted.

Bucktooth: The going rate for the tooth fairy.

Burglarize: What a crook sees with.

Cantaloupe: When you are unable to run away to get married.

Cartoonist: What you call your auto mechanic.

Castanet: What they did to fill the role of Frankie Avalon's movie girlfriend.

Celtics: What a parasite salesman does.

Concerts: A breath mint for inmates.

Consist: A growth on an inmate.

Content: A fabric shelter for inmates.

Control: A short, ugly inmate.

Convent: How inmates get air conditioning.

Counterfeiters: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.

Crestfallen: Dropped toothpaste.

Cross-eyed Teacher: A teacher that loses control over his or her pupils.

Decrease: De fold in de pants.

Demote: What de king put around de castle.

Despise: De persons who work for da CIA.

Detention: What causes de stress.

Dictator: Another name for Richard Spud.

Dilate: When a person lives longer.

Dioxin: What you say before you kill a herd of buffalo-like cattle.

Dreadlocks: the fear of opening the dead-bolt.


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                      humor                            1.94.3+
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