humor: may 11 -- one pun, several quotes

[Nick Brown <nbrown@polymail.cpunix.calpoly.edu>]

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PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK. ---  PUN AHEAD!!!!
From: Judib@kktv.com by way of << Bill's Punch Line>>

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got
along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates.  The warden saw
that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy
to learn a trade while doing his time.  After three years, Andy was
recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area.  Often he
would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the
community, and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night
was over.

The warden was thinking of remodeling his kitchen and in fact had done
much of the work himself.  But he lacked the skills to build a set of
kitchen cupboards and a large counter top which he had promised his wife.
So he called Andy into his office and asked him to complete the job for
him.

But, alas, Andy refused.  He told the warden, "Gosh, I'd really like
to help you, but counter fitting is what got me into prison in the
first place."


AND SOME RANDOM THOUGHTS ----

Study without reflection is a waste of time;
reflection without study is dangerous.  --Confucius
...or to put it another way ...
Knowledge without insight is like a horse in the library.

The Official MBA Handbook on business cards:  Avoid overly pretentious
job titles such as "Lord of the Realm, Defender of the Faith, Emperor
of India" or "Director of Corporate Planning."

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable
from a rigged demo.

Live so that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot
to the town gossip.  --Will Rogers

If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by
spectacular error.  --John Kenneth Galbraith

Hurewitz's Memory Principle:  The chance of forgetting something
is directly proportional to ..... to ........ uh ...........

The probability of someone watching you is proportional
to the stupidity of your action.


Have you ever noticed that the people who are always trying to tell you,
"There's a time for work and a time for play," never find the time for
play?

It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of
work to do.  --Jerome K. Jerome

You never saw a fish on the wall with its mouth shut.  --Sally Berger

Q: Why do mountain climbers rope themselves together?
A: To prevent the sensible ones from going home.

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get
run over if you just sit there.  --Will Rogers

Try to be the best of whatever you are,
even if what you are is no good.

A celebrity is a person who is known for his well-knownness.

If a listener nods his head when you're explaining your program,
wake him up.

Genius may have its limitations,
but stupidity is not thus handicapped.


====================
QuiltWood2@aol.com reports that the Mother's Day "Mean Mom"
essay forwarded by Maurice B. came from a Dear Abby column.

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                      humor                            1.94.3+
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