humor: may 14 -- Resume Blunders

[Nick Brown <nbrown@polymail.cpunix.calpoly.edu>]

=======================================================================
                              Nick's G-Rated Humor List
=======================================================================


Resume Blunders
{Real examples from real resumes}


SMALL TYPOS THAT CAN CHANGE THE MEANING:

--Education:  College, August 1880-May 1984.

--I'm a rabid typist.

--Instrumental in ruining entire operation
  for a Midwest chain operation.

--Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.

JOB RESPONSIBILITIES:

--While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am
  decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially
  incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be
  configured so as to ultimately lead to the application of more
  rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of
  responsibility.
* What do you want to bet the above was for a job at a law firm?

--I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award.

REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB:

--Responsibility makes me nervous.
--They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45
  every morning. Couldn't work under those conditions.
--Was met with a string of broken promises and lies,
  as well as cockroaches.
--I was working for my mom until she decided to move.
--The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three
  previous employers.

SPECIAL REQUESTS & JOB OBJECTIVES:

--Please call me after 17:30 because I am self-employed and
  my employer does not know I am looking for another job.

--My goal is to be a meteorologist.  But since I have no training
  in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.

PHYSICAL DISABILITIES:

--Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep.

PERSONAL INTERESTS:

--Donating blood.  14 gallons so far.


 =======================================================================
 ARCHIVES OF PAST ISSUES: http://www.NicksHumor.net/archive
 =======================================================================
 Thanks for telling your friends about this humor list.
 Send G-Rated submissions to: submit@NicksHumor.net
=======================================================================
TO SUBSCRIBE:
 Send an e-mail message to: request@NicksHumor.net
 In the body of the message (no subject required) type: subscribe
 Do not type any other words.
=======================================================================
TO UNSUBSCRIBE:
 Send an e-mail message to: request@NicksHumor.net
 In the body of the message (no subject required) type: unsubscribe
 Do not type any other words.
=======================================================================
TO SWITCH TO DIGEST VERSION OF LIST:
 Send an e-mail message to: request@NicksHumor.net
 In the body of the message (no subject required) type: set digest
 Do not type any other words.
 You will receive 1 message per week with all jokes from previous week.
=======================================================================
 To report trouble with list send to: help@NicksHumor.net
=======================================================================
                      humor                            1.94.3+
=======================================================================