humor: 15 may -- planes and pipes

[Nick Brown <nbrown@polymail.cpunix.calpoly.edu>]

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++++++++++++++++++++++ Funny-Bone ++++++++++++++++++++++
 'From: Funny-Bone <join-funny-bone@lists.spunge.org>'

YOU KNOW IT'S A "NO FRILLS" AIRLINE WHEN ... .

* You cannot board the plane unless you have the exact change.

* They don't sell tickets, they sell chances.

* All the insurance machines in the terminal are sold out.

* Before the flight, the passengers get together and elect a pilot

* Before you took off, the stewardess
  asks you to fasten your Velcro.

* The Captain asks all the passengers to chip in a little for gas.

* No movie.  Don't need one.  Your life keeps flashing
  before your eyes.


===================== Bill's Punch Line =====================
 bills-punch-line-subscribe@onelist.com

PIPE SPECIFICATIONS OF THE GOVERNMENT

1. All pipe is to be made of a long hole, surrounded by metal or plastic
centered around the hole.

2. All pipe is to be hollow throughout the entire length - do not use
holes of different length than the pipe.

3. The I.D. (inside diameter) of all pipe must not exceed the O.D.
(outside diameter) - otherwise the hole will be on the outside.

4. All pipe is to be supplied with nothing in the hole so that water,
steam or other stuff can be put inside at a later date.

5. All pipe should be supplied without rust - this can be more readily
applied at the job site.  N.B. Some Vendors are now able to supply pre-
rusted pipe. If available in your area, this product is recommended as
it will save a lot of time on the job site.

6. All pipe over 500ft (153m) in length should have the words "long pipe"
clearly painted on each end, so the Contractor will know it is a long
pipe.

7. Pipe over 2 miles (3.2km) in length must have the words "long pipe"
painted in the middle, so the Contractor will not have to walk the entire
length of the pipe to determine whether or not it is a long pipe.

8. All pipe over 6" (152mm) in diameter must have the words "large pipe"
painted on it, so the Contractor will not mistake it for small pipe.

9. Flanges must be used on all pipe. Flanges must have holes for bolts
quite separate from the big hole in the middle.

10. When ordering 90 degrees, 45 degrees or 30 degrees elbow, be sure to
specify right hand or left hand; otherwise you will end up going the wrong
way.

11. Be sure to specify to your vendor whether you want level, uphill or
downhill pipe. If you use downhill pipe for going uphill, the water will
flow the wrong way.

12. All couplings should have either right hand or left hand thread, but
do not mix the threads - otherwise, as the coupling is being screwed on one
pipe, it is unscrewed from the other.

				From: SSteelRat <nro@theorg.org>
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