humor: may 19 -- Some Chuckles

[Nick Brown <nbrown@polymail.cpunix.calpoly.edu>]

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M Boardman sent a chemistry poem from his youth
and it reminded me of another from my own youth.

Here's mine:
	Charlie was a chemist
	He's not here any more
	For what he thought was H2O
	Was H2SO4.

Maurice's is kinder and gentler:
	Johnny, feeling kinda bored,
	Drank some H2SO4.
	But his father, (an MD),
	Gave him CaCO3.
	Now he's neutralized, it's true...
	But he's full of CO2.

And in case there's a quiz:
    H2SO4 + CaCO3 ---> CaSO4 + H2O + CO2


		 ---

My hair is getting thinner and thinner, so I got some "Rogaine". The
instructions say to carefully rub into the scalp with two fingers. After
three weeks, my head looks about the same, but I'm shaving my fingers every
other day.

		 ---

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a
young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking
for?"

The Engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on
the benefits package."

The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks
vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching
retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years -
say, a red Corvette?"

The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"

And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."

			---

Some years ago the Bureau of Biological Survey ran the Bird Banding Lab, a
version of which is still active today. Bands back then, similar to those
currently in use, were printed with a number plus an abbreviated address
indicating that the band was to be returned to the Washington Biological
Survey (Wash.Biol.Surv.).

Upon finding one of the bands, a farmer returned the band to the bureau
with the following letter:

"Dear Sirs: I shot one of your crows the other day. My wife followed the
cooking instructions on the leg tag.  We washed it, bioled it, and then she
surved it.  We want you to know that the bird tasted just horrible."

			---

The Japanese Haiku poem has a specific
structure.  The number of syllables on
each line must follow the pattern 5/7/5.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
No keyboard present
Hit F1 to continue
Zen engineering?
- - - - - - - - - - - -
The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao, until
You bring fresh toner.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
Seeing my great fault
Through darkening blue windows
I begin again.


CREDIT -- Sunday's poem was an abbreviated version of a longer poem written
by Lois Blanchard.

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                      humor                            1.94.3+
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