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[humorix] "Linux-killer" Looming on Horizon
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- Date: Wed, 19 May 1999 12:21:09 -0500
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"Linux-killer" Looming on Horizon
Dave Finton, firstname.lastname@example.org
May 19, 1999
Today Linux is installed on millions of web servers, file
servers, and cache proxies across the planet. It enjoys is
market dominance today because of reliability, stability,
and all-around good looks. But a threat is looming on the
horizon from a not-so-tiny Redmond-based corporation
controlled by a billionaire megalomaniacal geek.
That threat is Windows, an operating system for your PC.
An operating system is the software on your computer that
manages your files, runs your applications, and downloads
your porn for you as you operate your computer. Currently
Linux enjoys market dominance in the realm of servers, but
can an upstart OS from some rich guy's company threaten
If Windows is to have a chance at this market, it's got a
lot of work ahead of it. For instance, instead of using
your computer from a powerful command-line interface, one
must use archane dialogue boxes, click though endless tabs
that never stay where they should, and mind-numbing
"wizards" that try to walk you through every little step in
operating your computer.
So even though this OS is not for everybody, here at
Humorix testing labs we put Windows to work, and here are
the results that amazed even us.
In order to show the validity of our results, first we set
up to machines, identical in every respect except one has
Windows and the other Linux. Then we brought in an
independent benchmarking company called "Minddraft" or
something like that to give the facade of being impartial
to our readers. Here is a transcript of what followed:
Humorix testing labs: Uh, dude, you pushed the power
button on the Linux machine.
Minddraft: See! Look how unstable Linux is! Windows is
Humorix: But dude, you turned the computer off without any
Minddraft: That only proves our point! Look how Linux
loses your data when it crashes! (starts kicking Linux box
around and throws it out 10th story window). See! Linux
has destroyed your computer!
Humorix: Dude! That was my workstation! All my porn is
Minddraft: Maybe now you'll use a proven operating system,
After we shot the Minddraft benchmarking experts, the world
While we found the "point-and-click" interface to be useful
at times, more often than not it merely got in the way.
Most hardcore geeks' mice are buried under mounds of empty
Mountain Dew cans, and thus it is difficult to locate it
when all you want to do is click on the "OK" button
(usually when the computer is telling you it needs to
reboot). In addition to all this we found the Windows
default "theme" to be horribly ugly. Blue on grey? Get
This new "Windows" operating system may one day be
considered a threat to Linux, but don't hold your breath.
My guess is that Linus Torvalds will remain gainfully
employed for quite some time to come. Linux is here to
Summary: For leaching porn purposes, both operating
systems performed beautifully. But Windows' difficult GUI
interface will hinder it in becoming a contender in the
market. Our advice is to use what is industry-proven,
enterprise-ready, and nauseatingly buzzword-compliant. Use
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