humor: may 20 -- the phantom jedi

[Nick Brown <nbrown@polymail.cpunix.calpoly.edu>]

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Just in case you missed the opening
of STAR WARS I (The Phantom Menace)
here's a re-run of an old piece.
Sent to me by Mikey's Funnies ....


YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK JEDI IF...

You ever uttered the phrase,
"May the force be with y'all."

Your Jedi robe is made of
camouflage material.

At least one wing of your X-wing is primer colored.

You have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder.

You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.

You have ever had an X-wing up on blocks in your yard.

The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.

Wookies are offended by your B.O.

You have ever used the force to change channels
when your remote control batteries died.

You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.

Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son, come on
over to the dark side...it'll be a hoot."

You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and
you have to get in through the window.

You have ever accidentally referred to Darth Vader's
evil empire as "them stinkin' Yankees."

You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with redwood deck.

You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.

You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense
electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.

[forwarded by Mark Oestreicher]
[edited by Nick Brown]


============  from the LosAngeles TIMES
(if you care!)

The LA Times published a Star Wars timeline.  "BBY" means
Before the Battle of Yavin, and "ABY" means After the
Battle of Yavin (the Battle of Yavin was when the
original Death Star was destroyed).

   25,000 years BBY:  Rise of peaceful Old Republic, Jedi Knights first
      	appear, hyperspace travel invented
   5,200 BBY:  Ex-Jedi Knights turn to dark side of the Force, form evil
	Sith Empire
   896 BBY:  Yoda born
   600 BBY:  Jabba the Hutt born on Nal Hutta
   200 BBY:  Chewbacca born on Kashyyk
   60 BBY:  Obi-Wan Kenobi born
   40 BBY:  Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader born
   32 BBY:  "Star Wars:  Episode I - The Phantom Menace," Anakin begins
	fateful journey as a Jedi Knight
   29 BBY:  Han Solo born on Corellia
   22 BBY:  "Star Wars:  Episode II" explores the transformation of the
	"good" Anakin Skywalker into the "evil" Darth Vader
   20 BBY:  "Star Wars"  Episode III" follows the secret births of twins
	Luke and Leia their father's conversion to the dark side of the
	Force.
   18 BBY:  Rise of evil Emperor Palpatine and the opposition Rebel
	Alliance, purge of the Jedi Knights by Vader, birth of Luke
   	and Leia to Vader and Queen Amidala
   0 BBY:  Battle of Yavin in "Star Wars:  A New Hope," Vader kills Kenobi
	in lightsaber duel
   3 ABY:  Battle of Hoth in "The Empire Strikes Back," Yoda trains Luke
	as a Jedi, Luke confronts Vader
   4 ABY:  Battle of Endor in "Return of the Jedi," Vader dies after
	killing Emperor Palpatine, evil Empire falls
   8 ABY:  Solo marries Leia, sires three children
   9 ABY:  Empire rises again
   11 ABY:  Luke trains new order of Jedi Knights
   14 ABY:  Solo children kidnapped
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