humor: may 21-- Top Ten Lists

[Nick Brown <nbrown@polymail.cpunix.calpoly.edu>]

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                              Nick's G-Rated Humor List
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Top 10 things you don't want to hear from Tech Support
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10. "Do you have a sledgehammer or a brick handy?"

9. "Duuuuuude! Bummer!"

8. "Looks like you're gonna need some new dilithium crystals, Cap'n."

7. "Press 1 for Support. Press 2 if you're with 60 Minutes.
Press 3 if you're with the FTC."

6. "We can fix this, but you're gonna need a butter knife,
a roll of duct tape, and a car battery."

5. "I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that."

4. "In layman's terms, we call that the Hindenburg Effect."

3. "Hold on a second... Mom! Timmy's hitting me!"

2. "Okay, turn to page 523 in your copy of Dianetics."

1. "Please hold for Mr. Gates' attorney."


Top Ten Things You'll Never Hear From A Consultant
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10. You're right; we're billing way too much for this.

9. Bet you I can go a week without saying "synergy" or "value-added."

8. How about paying us based on the success of the project?

7. This whole strategy is based on a Harvard business case I read.

6. Actually, the only difference is that we charge more than they do.

5. I don't know enough to speak intelligently about that.

4. Implementation? I only care about writing long reports.

3. I can't take the credit. It was Ed in your marketing department.

2. The problem is, you have too much work for too few people.

1. Everything looks OK to me.
				Posted From: Just 4 Laughs
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                      humor                            1.94.3+
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