humor: jun 06 -- "Lan-A" Georgia

[Nick Brown <nbrown@polymail.cpunix.calpoly.edu>]

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A Translation of Atlanta for Visitors
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Atlanta is comprised entirely of one way streets.  The only way
to get out of downtown Atlanta is to turn around and start over
when you reach Greenville, South Carolina.

All directions start with, "Go down Peachtree..."

Peachtree Street has no beginning and no end.

Atlanta is home of Coca Cola.  That's all we drink here,
so don't ask for any other soft drink.

Atlantans only know their way home and their way to work.

Gate One at the Airport is 32 miles away from the Main Concourse.

It's impossible to go around a block and wind up on the street you
started on.  The Chamber of Commerce calls it a "scenic drive".

The 8 a.m. rush hour is from 6:30 to 9:30 a.m.  The 5:00 p.m. rush hour
is from 3:30 to 6:30 p.m.  Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.

"Sir" and "Ma'am" are used by the person speaking to you if
there's a remote possibility that you're at least 30 minutes
older than they are.

"Sugar" is a more common form of address than "Miss".  So is "Honey".

Ponce de Leon Avenue can only be pronounced by a native, so do not
attempt the Spanish pronunciation.  People will simply tilt their
heads to the right and stare at you.

The falling of one rain drop causes all traffic to immediately
cease. So will daylight savings time and a girl applying eye
shadow across the street, or a flat tire three lanes over.

Atlanta is pronounced "Lan-A".

Construction on Peachtree Street is a way of life,
and a permanent form of entertainment.

Construction crews aren't doing their job properly unless they
close down all lanes except one during rush hour.

Atlanta's traffic is the friendliest around. The commuters spend hours
mingling with each other twice a day.  In fact, Atlanta's traffic is rated
number 1 in the country.  You will often see people parked beside the road
and engaged in lively discussions.

Edited From [  The Gobbler Group Humor Exchange   ]
            [ Gobbler_Group-subscribe@onelist.com ]



A CORRECTION COMMENT
==========================
C.S. from Indiana University writes ---
I really must comment on: "Most people didn't have pewter plates,
but had trenchers (a piece of wood with the middle scooped out like
a bowl). Trenchers were never washed and a lot of times worms got
into the wood. After eating off wormy trenchers, they would get
"trench mouth"."

I suppose it's just a little coincidence that the phrase "trench mouth"
(according to my unabridged dictionary) was coined between 1915 and 1920 to
refer to "Vincent's angina", an ulcerative disorder of the mouth and
throat, which was common among soldiers in the trenches during WWI.

Most of the other "facts" are too obscure to check unless you are a history
scholar, and I suspect that many of them are actually true!  But this was
just plain sloppy.  Some people believe anything they read in e-mail, but I
expected better from you, Nick!

	NICK REPLIES: I accept this gentle criticism -- even
	though I did warn you not to take them too seriously.
	As it happens, I wondered about the "trench mouth"
	bit myself -- not to mention a few of the other bits.
	So it is nice to know that I don't have to throw out
	my wooden trenches -- or even wash them!


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                      humor                            1.94.3+
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