humor: jun 12 -- Sabbath Stuff

[Nick Brown <nbrown@polymail.cpunix.calpoly.edu>]

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A rabbi, a minister, and a priest were playing poker
when the police raided the game. Turning to the priest,
the lead police officer said, "Father Murphy, were you
gambling?" Turning his eyes to heaven, the priest
whispered, "Lord, forgive me for what I am about to do."
To the police officer, he then said, "No, officer; I was
not gambling." The officer then asked the minister,
"Pastor Johnson, were you gambling?" Again, after an
appeal to heaven, the minister replied, "No, officer; I
was not gambling."

Turning to the rabbi, the officer
again asked, "Rabbi Goldstein, were you gambling?"
Shrugging his shoulders, the rabbi replied, ..."With whom?"

========

A man was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter's
birthday and he hadn't bought her a present.  He drove to the mall and ran
to a toy store and he asked the store manager, "How much is that new Barbie
in the window?"

The manager replied, "Which one?  We have 'Barbie goes to the gym' for
$19.95, 'Barbie goes to the Ball' for $19.95, 'Barbie goes shopping' for
$19.95, 'Barbie goes to the beach' for $19.95, 'Barbie goes to the
Nightclub' for $19.95, and 'Divorced Barbie' for $375.00."

"Whoa .....Why is the 'Divorced Barbie' $375.00 when all the others are
$19.95?!" the Dad asked surprised. "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's
car, Ken's House, Ken's boat, Ken's dog, Ken's cat and Ken's furniture."

			Eric and Carol Flora
			concerto@bright.net

================

Sharing the Bread!

A Jewish man took his Passover lunch to eat outside in the park.
He sat down on a bench and began eating. Since Jews do not eat
leavened bread during the eight day holiday, he was eating Matzoh,
a flat crunchy unleavened bread that has dozens of perforations.

A little while later a blind man came by and sat down next to him.
Feeling neighborly, the Jewish man passed a sheet of matzo to the
blind man.

The blind man handled the matzo for a few minutes, looked puzzled,
and finally exclaimed, "Who wrote this Junk?"
				From Andy's Archives

================

Moishe is being indoctrinated by the Russian Government:

Govt. official: "If you had a yacht,
what would you do with it?"

Moishe: "Give it to Mother Russia."

Govt. Official: "And if you had a palace,
what would you do with it?"

Moishe: "Give it to Mother Russia."

Govt. Official: "And if you had a sweater,
what would you do with it?"
No reply.

Government official asks the question again.
And still not reply. Finally he shouts:
"Moishe, why don't you reply?"

Moishe: "Because I actually own a sweater."

=============


Quotes by the Famous (and not so famous)
""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""
 Selected from a larger collection sent
 by andychaps_the-funnies-owner@egroups.com

*Don't ever confuse an open mind
 with one that's vacant.

*You'll always miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

*God places the heaviest burden on those who can carry its weight.

*It is easy to sit up and take notice.  What
 is difficult is getting up and taking action.

*We're not primarily put on this earth to see
 through one another, but to see one another through.

*The only one thing I can change is myself, but
 sometimes that makes all of the difference.

*You will never find time for anything.
 If you want time, you must make it.
	   - Charles Bixton

*If you are never scared or embarrassed or hurt,
 it means you never take chances.
	  - Julia Soul


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