Joke: stress diet

[Eric Thelin <eric@generation-i.com>]

DIET FOR STRESS

This diet is designed to help you cope with the stress that builds up
during the day.

             Breakfast:

1/2 grapefruit
1 slice whole wheat toast
8 oz. skim milk

               Lunch:

4 oz. lean broiled chicken breast
1 cup steamed spinach
1 cup herb tea
1 Oreo cookie

               Mid-Afternoon snack:

The rest of Oreos in the package
2 pints Rocky Road ice cream nuts, cherries and whipped cream
1 jar hot fudge sauce

               Dinner:

2 loaves garlic bread
4 cans or 1 large pitcher Coke
1 large sausage, mushroom and cheese pizza
3 Snickers bars

              Late Evening News:

Entire frozen Sara Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from freezer)


                 Rules for this Diet

1.  If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

2.  If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy
bar are canceled out by the diet soda.

3.  When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you do not
eat more than they do.

4.  Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate,
brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.

5.  If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.

6.  Movie related foods do not have additional calories because they are
part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.
Examples: Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots and Tootsie
Rolls.

7.  Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking causes
calorie leakage.

8.  Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in
the process of preparing something.

9.  Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories.
Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and mashed
potatoes.

10.  Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other
food color.

11.  Anything consumed while standing has no calories.  This is due to
gravity and the density of the caloric mass.

12.  Anything consumed from someone else's plate has no calories  since
the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to
his/her plate. (We ALL know how calories like to cling!)

REMEMBER: STRESSED SPELLED BACKWARDS IS DESSERTS



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