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Joke: Ken's letter to Santa
Ken's Letter To Santa:
I understand that one of my colleagues has petitioned you for changes in
her contract, specifically asking for anatomical and career changes. In
addition, it is my understanding that disparaging remarks were made about
me, my ability to please, and some of my fashion choices. I would like
to take this opportunity to inform you of some of issues concerning Ms.
Barbie, and some of my own needs and desires.
First of all, I along with several other collegues feel Barbie DOES NOT
deserve preferential treatment - the bitch has everything. I, along
with Joe, Jem, Raggedy Ann & Andy, DO NOT have a dreamhouse, corvette,
evening gowns, and in some cases the ablility to change our hair style.
I personally have only 3 outfits which I am forced to mix and match at
great length. My decision to accessorize my outfits with an earring was
my decision and reflects my lifestyle choice.
I too would like a change in my career. Have you ever considered
"Decorator Ken", "Beauty Salon Ken", or "Out Of Work Actor Ken"? In
addition, there are several other avenues which could be considered such
as: "S&M Ken" , "Green Lantern Ken", "Circuit Ken", "Bear Ken",
"Master Ken". These would more accurately reflect my desires and
perhaps open up new markets.
And as for Barbie needing bendable arms so she can "push me away," I
need bendable knees so I can kick the bitch to the curb. Bendable knees
would also be helpful for me in other situations - we've talked about
this issue before.
In closing, I would like to point out that any further concessions to the
blond bimbo from hell will result in action be taken by myself and
And Barbie can forget about having Joe - he's mine, at least that's what
he said last night.