Joke: Admitance to Heaven

[Eric Thelin <eric@generation-i.com>]

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the
admittance policy.  The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven, you
had to have a really bummer day on the day that you died.  The policy would
go into effect at noon the next day.

So, the next day at 12:01, the first person came to the gates of Heaven.
The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly asked the man,
"Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was going when you
died."

"No problem,"  the man said.  I came home to my 25th floor apartment on my
lunch hour and caught my wife having an affair. But her lover was nowhere in
sight.

I immediately began searching for him.  My wife was half naked and yelling
at me as I searched the entire apartment.  Just as I was about to give up, I
happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man
hanging off the edge by his fingertips!  The nerve of that guy!

Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he fell to
the ground.  But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some trees and bushes
that broke his fall and he didn't die.  This ticked me off even more.

In a rage, I went back inside to get the first thing I could get my hands on
to throw at him.  Oddly enough, the first thing I thought of was the
refrigerator.  I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony, and tipped it
over the side.  It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him!

The excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack and died
almost instantly."

The Angel sat back and thought a moment. Technically, the guy did have a bad
day.  It was a crime of passion.  So, the Angel announces, "OK sir.  Welcome
to the Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in.

A few seconds later the next guy came up.  To the Angel's surprise, it was
Vernon Jordan.  "Mr. Jordan, before I can let you in, I need to hear about
what your day was like when you died."

Jordan said, "No problem. But your not going to believe this.  I was on the
balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises.  I had been
under a lot of pressure so I was really pushing hard to relieve my stress.
I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally fell over the
side!

Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the finger tips on the balcony below
mine.  But all of a sudden this crazy man comes running out of his
apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on my fingers.  Well of course I fell.
I hit some trees and bushes at the bottom which broke my fall so I didn't
die right away.

As I'm laying there face up on the ground, unable to move and in
excruciating pain, I see this guy push his refrigerator of all things off
the balcony. It falls the 25 floors and lands on top of me killing me
instantly."

The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as Jordan finishes his story.  "I
could get use to this new policy", he thinks to himself.  "Very well," the
Angel announces.  "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and he lets Vernon
enter.

A few seconds later, President Clinton comes up to the gate.  The Angel is
almost too shocked to speak.  Thoughts of assassination and war pour through
the Angel's head.  Finally he says "Mr. President, please tell me what it
was like the day you died."

Clinton says, "OK, picture this I'm naked inside a refrigerator..."