Joke: Uses of duct tape

[Eric Thelin <eric@generation-i.com>]

"It's time for the handyman's secret weapon..." - Red Green

Last Updated: 10/10/96

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This page isn't for you airplane glue or solder people out there. This is
the page for the hard-core duct taper. When your butt's on the line and you
need to joint/fasten/mount/hitch/chain two things together, you're not going
to reach for that acetylene torch or pop riveter. Nope, you just rip out
your trusty roll of duct tape. Yessiry, there's nothing like the wonderful,
hollow grunt your roll of duct tape makes when you yank out a long strip of
the magical metallic fastener. And there's nothing that a length of this
lustrous substance can't do. In addition, you have to admit... That silvery,
grid-like texture makes any possession look futuristic and worth more than
the previous owner took you for when you bought it.

But what happens when you can't think of more uses for duct tape? Don't
panic! Just consult this page for 1001 uses! Ok, so there aren't 1001 uses
on this page. But that's my goal... To find 1001 uses and post them here!


Use of the Month:
135. Cover your swimming pool with several layers and use it as a huge
trampoline.
 - bbaleno@ultranet.com

Current Use Count: 149
And here they are... 1001 Uses for Duct Tape, give or take 852.


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1. Digitize it to make a nice background for a web page.
2. Attractive siding for your house.
3. To prevent theft, seal the doors of your car with about half a dozen
layers.
4. Disposable replacement for cufflinks.
5. Lenses for discount mirror sunglasses for the blind.
6. Use an empty roll of duct tape to join two sections of ABS drain pipe
together.
7. Create a water-tight seal for use #6.
8. Material for a highly visible, heavy-duty raincoat.
9. Graph paper for the blind.
10. Sticky-notes for the fridge.
11. Homemade orthodontic work.
12. Instant handcuffs and gags for efficient hit men.
13. Material for a groovy wallet.
14. Space age bathroom tiling.
15. Stick a membrane of duct tape over top a cooking wok and you've got a
drum.
16. One piece shaving kit. Ouch.
17. Fold a strip over on itself and form it into a loop. Replacement fan
belt for your car.
18. Permanent garters to keep your socks up.
19. A great Christmas gift for the Mrs.
20. Replacement for the safety catch under the hood of your car.
21. Air/water-tight bandages.
22. Replacement for your lunch box. (Just tape all your food together into
one big ball.)
23. Tape two pens together so you can write twice as fast.
24. Make a sheet of duct tape, and wear it sticky side out on your chest
during a meal. Super effective bib.
25. For safety, coat your hands with a couple layers of it when you're
handling hot, sharp, or radioactive objects.
26. If someone won't pay you their gambling debts, tape his nose to his
forehead.
27. Make a pair of waterproof underwear for fishing.
28. Fly tape (for those big-ass, mutant houseflies).
29. Bookmark. (Just try to lose your place in the book now!)
30. Tape the safety guard back on your circular saw so it doesn't get in the
way.
31. Use duct tape to bundle up all those AOL starter kits lying around your
house for the garbage man.
32. Tape your TV to the ceiling above your bed so you can watch it while
lying down.
33. Roll up some duct tape into a little roll half an inch in diameter. Cut
it in half. Earplugs or noseplugs.
34. Instead of gargling with mouthwash, chew duct tape.
35. Cost-effective roof rack for your car.
36. Liquor cabinet lock for alcoholics.
37. To prevent losing your TV remote, duct tape it to your arm.
38. Measuring tape (just count the squares).
39. Need more overhead light in a room? Tape a lamp to the ceiling.
40. Pet hair brush. (Use it carefully, or the Humane Society will put you on
their '10 Most Wanted' list.)
41. To climb a wall/cliff/tree, just cover yourself in duct tape, sticky
side out.
42. Stay awake by taping your eyelids to your forehead on those late drives
home. (Also act as reflectors to oncoming cars.) - Adam Childers;
toneman@prophet.bluenet.net
43. Tape yourself to the toilet after a bad Mexican dish. - Adam Childers;
toneman@prophet.bluenet.net
44. Denture adhesive. (use small strips) - John Spaulding;
jspauldi@sctcorp.com
45. A low cost replacement seatbelt. - John Spaulding; jspauldi@sctcorp.com
46. Do it yourself bikini. - maryellen@ibm.net
47. The babysitter's best friend... When the kids get crazy you can always
tape them to the sofa. - maryellen@ibm.net
48. Quick repair for the bow rail you broke on your dogsled. -
VSKLZ@UAA.ALASKA.EDU
49. Effective binding around the ribs that broke the bow rail.
(Ouch) -VSKLZ@UAA.ALASKA.EDU
50. Instant Babysitter: Cover kid in duct tape sticky side out, throw 'em
against wall with attached food in case of long stay, and enjoy your night
out or possible trip to Bahamas. - Alfred B. Loranz; aloranz@ultranet.com
51. Going to a wedding? Your silver/gray cummerbund will be the envy of
all--and a perfect fit, too. - kout4@iquest.net
52. Improve the world: Tape Newt Gingrich's mouth shut. - Tony Molinaro;
enticer007@acronet.net
53. Take a piece and put it on your annoying brother's hair then rip it
off. - Tony Molinaro; enticer007@acronet.net
54. Great diaper tab replacement when you're out of diapers and have to
reuse them. - Internet Connect Niagara; username@niagara.com
55. Our office was taping a very low budget ($0) production, and needed one
of those "chopping type story boards." We hinged a couple of pieces of wood
together, but since we had no paint, we cover the boards with white duct
tape, and used black electrical tape to make the stripes on it. Looks sharp
and is very durable. - fccgi01@kdsi.net
56. The US Navy uses duct tape to repair Radoms on fighter aircraft. They
call it "thousand mile an hour" tape. - teaton@biddeford.com
57. If the tree you hang your hammock on starts splitting, duct tape the
trunk for support. - kkren726@uwsp.edu
58. To prevent campfire burns, wrap some around your hands when roasting
wieners without a stick. - kkren726@uwsp.edu
59. To keep the bumper on your car securely fastened.
60. Tape your cat's paws together when you bathe it so you don't get
scratched all to hell. - SubDog1@aol.com
61. Replace the fabric on the roof of your 70's convertible car. (True
story!) - James Daugherty; loonie@fyi.net
62. Use it to tape Red's mouth shut so he will quit talking about duct
tape. - James, Karl & Patrick; magnolia@supernet.net
63. Use it to tape a Red Green disparager's mouth shut so he'll learn not to
meddle with powers he cannot comprehend! [Hey... Turnabout is fairplay.
:-) ]
64. When I bought my car in 1990, I wrapped the spare key in plastic wrap
and duct taped it to the frame of the car. Several weeks ago, AFTER six
years and 80,000 miles of driving, I locked my keys in the car. I reached
under the car and got the spare key which was still there and in great
shape! - Terry Knebel; tknebel@bright.net
65. Put a few thousand layers over a new pair of shoes and they'll last
forever (if your feet never grow).Paul D. Yeoman; yeoman@execulink.com
66. Great for re-treading twenty year-old, worn out, shredded tires. (Tip:
Take the tires off your vehicle first for easier application of the duct
tape) - enter_your_e-mail_address_here@splinter.boeing.com
67. To avoid the expensive bill for neutering your dog, simply wrap a few
feet of duct tape around his waist. - Linda Craft; lindac@fuse.net
68. Cheap, ultra-effective toilet paper (use at your own risk). -
Ken.Herzog@m.k12.ut.us
69. Mouse trap. (Place sticky side up on the floor with cheese on it) - John
Steffy; jlane@wam.umd.edu
70. Toothbrush holder. (Just slap a loop of duct tape sticky side out on
bathroom mirror) - John Steffy; jlane@wam.umd.edu
71. Resole your favorite old boots or sneakers. Durable, fashionable, and
easily seen at night. - John Steffy; jlane@wam.umd.edu
72. To make your car look like one of those limos with the mirror windows,
just coat all your windows (except the front one) with duct tape.
73. After you make the mirror windows, use some duct tape to attach an
elaborate system of mirrors on the outside of your car so you have a
functional rear view mirror.
74. Patch up the holes in your tent, or just make a whole new tent that's
completely waterproof and bugproof (works on the same principle as
flypaper). - Laura; pezgirl@en.com
75. Poor man's tanning bed. Line the inside of a canoe, Volkswagen, or other
defunct roofless box with tape (silver side out), set out in the sun, step
inside, and broil yourself until you're done. - Jenny Leonard;
leonajl@okra.millsaps.edu
76. Wrap duct tape around your school books for an instant backpack. (And be
sure to tape the bundle to your shoulder for easy carrying.) - Allen
McColley; mccolley@faribault.polaristel.net
77. Duct tape your mouse pad to your desk to keep it from sliding around.-
Allen McColley; mccolley@faribault.polaristel.net
78. While you're at it, tape your joystick and keyboard to your desk, and
even your monitor, just in case you feel like smacking it when your system
crashes.
79. The perfect birthday present for Red. - Allen McColley;
mccolley@faribault.polaristel.net
80. Wrap about 5 rolls of tape around #62's head, tie the free end around a
pine tree, and then throw him off a cliff. That'd probably take care of
Red's hate mail and would give #62 a nice smooth scalp. - Taber Knight;
tknight@polarnet.com
81. On Halloween, wrap yourself in duct tape from the neck down and put a
fishbowl on your head--instant Apollo 13 costume. Then draw some big eyes on
the fishbowl with a black marker, and go to a casting call for the
X-Files. - Bert Beadle; 75474.1357@compuserve.com
82. Live at the bottom of a hill? Basement filled with water? No problem!
Erect a dam around your house with duct tape. - Justinrox@aol.com
83. Use it to fix the cracks in your engine block. - Dave Hart;
dhart@isns1.shasta.com
84. The landlord's best friend in adding exotic decor to a kitchen. Use as
kitchen shelf liners, easy wipe back splash for counter and permanent
washable durable wallpaper. - danden@baynet.net
85. Duct Tape makes a wonderful leash for walking your pet elephant. - Gary
Warne;  arne@kgv1.bems.boeing.com
86. Makes a terrific tether for attaching satellites to space vehicles (NASA
please take note). - Gary Warne; warne@kgv1.bems.boeing.com
87. A loop of Duct Tape under new sod helps to keep it in place while the
roots are growing. Better yet, tape your whole lawn with Duct Tape and paint
it green... Never needs mowing again. - Gary Warne;
warne@kgv1.bems.boeing.com
88. Build a better mousetrap: Place duct tape sticky side up next to some
cheese. - Michael Humphrey; mikehump@digital-ren.com
89. Protect yourself against really bad cases of chapped lips. - Michael
Dickey; sarge@cwnet.com
90. Ear protectors for when your mother-in-law is visiting (you wrap several
layers firmly around her mouth). - Michael Dickey; sarge@cwnet.com
91. Makes a handy and chique dog leash. - Phil Rivoire;
da851@freenet.carleton.ca
92. Kleenex for people with large lung capacities and powerful diaphragms.
93. I am nominating my husband for "Lawn Nerd" of the week. He is outside
spraying poison-weed killer on the lawn. To keep the "bad stuff" off his
legs, he has taped duct tape around the top of his boots. We are inside
claiming not to know him. - Robinknit@msn.com
94. For those who cannot afford the high price of pet supplies, take a loop
of duct tape sticky side out and it use it to clean the kitty litter instead
of replacing it. - Burt
95. Tape two horn-shaped duct tape pieces to your head and run around
saying, 'Catch me, I'm a steer!' when you are in trouble with the law.
You'll only get half the sentence. (Believe me it works!) -
Dipshwack@aol.com
96. NASA makes it standard policy to have shuttle astronauts carry at least
one roll of duct tape with them into orbit. - Talyn; guest@sailor.lib.md.us
97. Use it to force President Clinton to keep his pants on and his mouth
shut. - Red Robin; urbains@sun.tir.com
98. Use it to keep a younger brother/sister from hacking into your computer
system while you're away on vacation (i.e., wrap your keyboard and monitor
in the stuff). - Red Robin; urbains@sun.tir.com
99. Wrap one or two hundred layers around your beer can to insulate it, keep
it cold. - aharris@bbs.sd68.nanaimo.bc.ca
100. Get Dune-esque and make yourself a duct tape stillsuit.

Woohoo! That makes 100 uses! We're a tenth of the way there!

101. For teachers: Use it to keep those hyper students in their seats all
period. - kennedy; kennedym@pop.erols.com
102. For students: Once you rip yourself out of your seat, duct tape the
teacher's last piece of chalk to the middle of his/her back.
103. Put a strip of duct tape, sticky side out, on the side of your stereo
and stick all your CDs to it. Instant CD holder. - kennedy;
kennedym@pop.erols.com
104. Stick a worm to a strip and tie the strip to the end of your fishing
line. Just let those fish TRY and get away! - Jim Ammon;
jdammon@azstarnet.com
105. Impress you low tech friends by taping up a large portion of your
living room wall. Tell them it's a "Home Theater Projection Screen". -
toneman@.bluenet.net
106. John Bobbit first-aid kit! - toneman@.bluenet.net
107. Tape socks together before you wash them so they don't get
lost. -toneman@.bluenet.net
108. Tape your hub caps to your car so they won't be
stolen. -toneman@.bluenet.net
109. Tape your golf tee to your ball so you won't loose it. (Until you hit
the ball anyway.) - toneman@.bluenet.net
110. Tape your wife's eyes shut before she goes shopping. -
toneman@.bluenet.net
111. Wrap your wife's credit card in duct tape before she goes shopping. If
that doesn't work, tape your mailbox shut to avoid the bill. -
toneman@.bluenet.net
112. Just wad a little up after you knock your last Baseball over the
fence. - Aaron & Paul Richardson; arichard@mail.win.org
113. Makes great streamers for the wings of that old DC-9 you've been
meaning to customize. - Aaron & Paul Richardson; arichard@mail.win.org
114. Wanna get hitched and can't afford a wedding ring? Guaranteed not to
need resizing. - Aaron & Paul Richardson; arichard@mail.win.org
115. Makes a great turban for the 90's if your ever in the Middle East. -
Aaron & Paul Richardson; arichard@mail.win.org
116. One roll can change a screen door into a well insulated storm door for
those blustery winter nights. - Aaron & Paul Richardson;
arichard@mail.win.org
117. Belly button lint remover. - Aaron & Paul Richardson;
arichard@mail.win.org
118. Who needs a muzzle? Tape your dog's mouth shut. - Aaron & Paul
Richardson; arichard@mail.win.org
119. Place a strip inside your baseball mit. Win that Gold Glove
award. -Aaron & Paul Richardson; arichard@mail.win.org
120. Put a little cologne on a strip and stick it in your car. Instant air
freshener. - Aaron & Paul Richardson; arichard@mail.win.org
121. Damn earthquakes keep ruining your good china? Tape it to the
cabinet. - Aaron & Paul Richardson; arichard@mail.win.org
122. Make an airtight seal to keep your half empty beer cans from going flat
over night. - Aaron & Paul Richardson; arichard@mail.win.org
123. Avoid those pesky pick-pockets by taping your wallet to your
buttocks. -Aaron & Paul Richardson; arichard@mail.win.org
124. Use duct tape to keep all the volumes of the Beatles Anthology
together. (Leave room for more, though) - Aaron & Paul Richardson;
arichard@mail.win.org
125. Tint your monitor. (severely) - Aaron & Paul Richardson;
arichard@mail.win.org
126. A little duct tape on the bottom of your friend's mouse makes a great
practical joke. - Aaron & Paul Richardson; arichard@mail.win.org
127. Tape together some old toys to make a trophy for the person with the
most uses for duct tape. - Aaron & Paul Richardson; arichard@mail.win.org
128. Carry a roll with you so that when you open up a package in Walmart you
can tape it shut and nobody will know the difference. - Aaron & Paul
Richardson; arichard@mail.win.org
129. Wrap grandma's pills in a layer so they'll go down smoother. -Aaron &
Paul Richardson; arichard@mail.win.org
130. Cut about 100 3-foot strips of duct tape. Stick them together
lengthwise in groups of two, sticky sides facing each other. Poke small
holes in the ends of each strip. Run string through the holes. Hang in a
window. Congratulations! You now have Venetian blinds! -
104271.3111@compuserve.com
131. To repair radial tires, put a couple of layers over the hole in the
inner tube, or if you can get the tire off, place a couple of pieces over
the puncture. Remount the tire on the rim and your back in business! (This
application actually worked; I was able to drive twenty miles to a repair
shop before the tire went flat again!) - ROUND EYE;
hoscheit@gpu.srv.ualberta.ca
132. The building maintenance man used to use it as drywall tape. (He used
to work in an oil refinery). - Joe Conway; Josephc@voicenet.com
133. Who needs a spice rack? Just tape your various spices to the wall. -
John; sheehan1@ix.netcom.com
134. Wrap some around your bellbottoms and go to a disco. They look
authentic and are cheaper. However, the fly is a bit of a problem. -
douglasglenadams; wwbrown@eagle.wbm.ca
135. Cover your swimming pool with several layers and use it as a huge
trampoline. - bbaleno@ultranet.com
136. On the fourth day of a fishing trip in Ontario at the height of black
fly season and you've decided to change jeans only to find a hole in the
knee of the 'new' pair? Duct tape it closed, those little buggers will never
get past it. - Jim Daugherty; loonie@fyi.net
137. Had a fender-bender and now body parts are hanging loose? Forget the
pop rivets and body putty, just duct tape everything back together. - Jim
Daugherty; loonie@fyi.net
138. I hate when binders fall apart. DT is a great binder binder! -Adam
Brock; abrock@MSDEV1.Waterloo.ATTGIS.COM
139. Rock climbing harness (sure beats a body belay!) - Adam Brock;
abrock@MSDEV1.Waterloo.ATTGIS.COM
140. Anti-perspirant. - Adam Brock; abrock@MSDEV1.Waterloo.ATTGIS.COM
141. Lamp shade. - Adam Brock; abrock@MSDEV1.Waterloo.ATTGIS.COM
142. If you have a lot of time on your hands, build a castle out of duct
tape and match sticks. - Jeff Wahlberg; wahlberg@thor.pla-net.net
143. Tired of your attack dogs, cats, alligators running away? Tape them to
the door of your match stick castle. - Jeff Wahlberg;
wahlberg@thor.pla-net.net
144. Patch up the hole in the ozone layer. - tim; tim@gil.net
145. The best way to rid the world of door-to-door salesmen: duct tape every
single one that comes to your house to the next space shuttle to launch. -
stefko@westol.com
146. Take an old mobile home. Pull everything out of it and cover the inside
with highly-reflective, silver duct tape. Now enjoy the world's biggest
solar-powered oven (and tanning bed). - stefko@westol.com
147. Smash your snowmobile into a tree, then duct tape the hood together
again to gain extra flexible aerodynamics. - Douglas H. Johnston;
dhj@igs.net
148. A better way than scraping (and sanding, sawing, burning) to remove
paint. - Raymond F. Sebold; shdtree@shaysnet.com
149. Wrap a small cardboard box in duct tape. Cost-effective Tupperware. -
Raymond F.