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Joke: May 8 - A Mother's Dictionary



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                               TODAY's JOKE
                               May 8, 1998
                           ====================
RESULTS: 
Yesterday's Having Fun with Telemarketers did well
Overall a 5.5 from Joke-Of-The-Day.com members

To all you Mom's out there, Happy Mothers Day and Thanks from
all of us kids.
                  
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                 A MOTHER'S DICTIONARY                 
                          - Submitted by A. Smith
              ------------------------------------  
               MOTHER'S DICTIONARY

AMNESIA:     A condition that enables a woman who has gone
             through  labor to have sex again.

BOTTLE:      An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2am too
FEEDING            

DEFENSE:    What you'd better have around de yard if you're
            going to let de children play outside.

DROOLING:   How teething babies wash their chins.

DUMBWAITER: One who asks if the kids would care to order
            dessert.

FAMILY:     The art of spacing your children the proper
PLANNING    distance apart to keep you on the edge of
            financial disaster

FEEDBACK:   The inevitable result when the baby doesn't
            appreciate the strained carrots.
 
FULL NAME:  What you call your child when you're mad at him.

GRANDPARENTS: The people who think your children are
              wonderful even though they're sure you're not
              raising them right.

HEARSAY:      What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

IMPREGNABLE:  A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

INDEPENDENT:  How we want our children to be as long as they
              do everything we say.

LOOK OUT!:    What it's too late for your child to do by the
              time you scream it

PRENATAL:     When your life was still somewhat your own.

PREPARED:     A contradiction in terms
CHILDBIRTH

PUDDLE:       A small body of water that draws other small bodies
              wearing dry shoes into it.

SHOW OFF:     A child who is more talented than yours.

STERILIZE:    What you do to your first baby's pacifier by
              boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it

STOREROOM:    The distance required between the supermarket
              aisles so that children in shopping carts can't
              quite reach anything.

TEMPER TANTRUMS: What you should keep to a minimum so as to
                 not upset the children.

TOP BUNK:     Where you should never put a child wearing Superman
              jammies.

TWO-MINUTE:   When the baby's face turns red and she
WARNING       begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

VERBAL:       Able to whine in words

WEAKER SEX:   The kind you have after the kids have worn you out.

WHODUNIT:     None of the kids that live in your house.

WHOOPS:       An exclamation that translates roughly intO
             "get a sponge."

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