Worst things to say to a Police Officer

[Eric Thelin <eric@generation-i.com>]

The ABSOLUTE WORST things to say to a Police Officer:

I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
That uniform makes your butt look really big.
Your not gonna check the trunk, are you?
Didn't I see you get your ass kicked on Cops?
I bet I could grab that gun before you finish writing my ticket
And that hooker I met at the AIDS clinic said you were a nice guy.
Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me! Good job!
I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a Police
  Officer.
I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
Bad Cop! No Donut!
Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.
Wow, You look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's night 
  stand...
When you smack the crap outta me, make sure you smile pretty for the
camcorder.
Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at
  McDonald's?
I pay your salary!
Those sirens are hurting my ears, turn them off or I'm not speaking to you.
Gee, thanks officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning,
  too!
Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other car
  around, that's how far they are ahead of me.
Sorry I can't hear you over the radio. No I am not turning it down; I love
  this song. Either speak up or just leave me alone.
Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap
  and got lodged between the brake pedal and gas pedal, forcing me to speed
  out of control.
Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?
Aren't you the guy from the Village People?