HUMOR (Re: Oustsourceing NEWS)

["Christopher X. Candreva" <chris@westnet.com>]

On Mon, 9 Jun 1997, Avi Freedman wrote:

> > It's not dead, it's _pining_.

> Actually, Hillary did a spoof on that Monty Python episode based on

It was posted in alt.sysadmin.recovery. It's priceless. I kept it.  Here it
is:

From: edremy@chem1.usc.edu (Eric Remy)
Newsgroups: alt.sysadmin.recovery
Subject: Re: TWO lame telcos and a psycholuser
Date: Thu, 14 Mar 1996 17:05:19 -0800

In article <4i9vcn$7ui@netaxs.com>, hillary@netaxs.com (Hillary Gorman) wrote:


> Avi: hi, our T1 is dead
> Bell: can you give us the circuit number?
> Avi: well, the bill says it is #<whatever>, but the box on the wall is 
> labelled #<othernumber>
> Bell: please describe for me why you think it is down.`
> Avi: because it is dead. it is down. it is not functioning

Bell: No, no, it's uh, it's resting

Avi: Look matey, I know a dead T1 when I see it, and I'm looking at one
right now.

Bell: No no it's not dead, it's, it's restin'! Remarkable line, the T1,
idn'it, ay? Beautiful bits!

Avi: The bits don't enter into it.  It's stone dead.

Bell: Nonononono, no, no.  It's resting.

Avi:  All right then, if it's resting, I'll wake it up.  <Yells into wall
socket>  ELLO, MISTER TELLY T1!  I've got a lovely fresh news spool for
you if you show.

Bell: <Sends voltage down line>  See- it's working!

Avi: No it isn't- that was you.

Bell: I never!

Avi: Yes, you did!

Bell: I never did anything.

Avi: <Pulls wire out of socket and beats it against the side of the
server.>  ELLO T1!!!! TESTING TESTING TESTING!  This is your 9 o'clock
cron job download!
<Watches bits physically falling on floor>

Now that's what I call a dead T1!


Bell: No, no, you stunned it.

Avi: STUNNED!?

Bell: Yeah- you stunned it just as it was starting to accept packets.  T1s
stun easily, major.

Avi:  Um, now look mate.  I've had enough of this. This T1 is definitely
deceased, and when we hooked it up not more than a day ago, you assured me
that its total inability to transmit was due to it being tired and shagged
out after trying to pull across all of
alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.really.really.nasty last night.

Bell: Well, it's , ah, it's just pining for the ARPANET.

Avi: PINING FOR THE ARPANET?!?  What kind of talk is that? Look, why did
it drop every packet as soon as we plugged it into this Sparc?

Bell: The T1 prefers to drop packets from a Sparc.  Remarkable line, isn't
it.  Lovely bits.

Avi:  Look, I took the liberty of dissassembling the smartjack last night,
and found that the only reason that it looked like it was working it
because you'd wired the lights to a battery.

Bell: Well, of course.  If we hadn't, it might have burned the whole
smartjack out-VOOM VOOM!

Avi: VOOM?  Mate, this line wouldn't voom if you put four million volts
through it.  It's bleeding demised!

Bell: No, no, it's pining.

Avi: It's not pining, it's passed on!  This line is not working!  It has
ceased to transmit!  Bereft of data, it lies in peace.  If you hadn't
wired the lights it would have been recycled.  It carries 0MB/sec! It's no
longer functional- it's shuffled off the backbone and gone to meet its
maker.  THIS IS AN EX-T1!

Bell: Well, we better fix it then.  <Pause> 'Fraid we're all out of working T1s.

Avi.  I see, I see. I get the picture

Bell: I've got an AOL disk and a 2400 baud modem.

Avi: Pray, does it work?

Bell:  Nnnnot really...

-- 
Eric Remy                 edremy@chem1.usc.edu
"See, I told you that they'd listen to Reason."- Fisheye, _Snow Crash_

I have no idea what (or how) USC thinks, so I certainly can't be expressing its opinion



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Chris Candreva  -- chris@westnet.com -- (914) 967-7816
WestNet Internet Services of Westchester
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