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HUMOR: History Of The Net (fwd)
I *had* to pass this message on. BTW, is the Tom mentioned Tom Christensen
(sp?) and who is Tim?
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> Date: Mon, 11 Nov 1996 13:38:09 +0100
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> Subject: HUMOR: History Of The Net
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> This is so good I couldn't resist sharing it with you all.
> Hope you don't mind a little humor...
> Forwarded-by: Keith Bostic <email@example.com>
> Forwarded-by: Robert Tarrall <tarrall@solarz.Colorado.EDU>
> Forwarded-by: Chuck Buckley <firstname.lastname@example.org>
> History Of The Net
> First there was God. He was quite lonely so he created Dennis.
> Dennis was unimpressed with God.
> So,... God created Brian.
> But, Brian got bored with God.
> So Brian and Dennis started playing, and they created C. God saw C,
> and saw that it was good. So he decided to let Brian and Dennis play
> some more.
> Then Brian and Dennis created Unix. God saw Unix, and he was jealous.
> So he created Bill to torment Brian and Dennis and obscure their
> creation (for God could not destroy Unix, for he secretly admired
> its perfection).
> So Bill created Microsoft. And Microsoft created Windows. And God saw
> that it was bad, but it had market share, so he was happy. Then Bill
> got cocky, and his ego got bigger than God's. So to knock Bill down a
> couple of pegs, God put into effect, a wondrous plan.
> First God created Tim. And Tim created the World Wide Web (using
> Unix, of course). This was good, but not THAT good. So God created
> Marc. Marc created Mosaic (using Unix, of course). Mosaic created a
> huge feeding frenzy that has got a lot of people who are reading this
> their jobs.
> But that's a different story. Mosaic was good, and God saw it was
> good, so he allowed Marc to start Netscape. Back to this later.
> But all this time Brian and Dennis started to make something better
> than Unix called Plan 9 (because God was successful in foiling Brian
> and Dennis' previous seven plans [there was no Plan 8 because Brian
> and Dennis pulled the wool over God's eyes and just jumped to Plan 9,
> which was too bright a move for even God to figure out.] )
> Eventually, God figured out how to create Larry.
> No one knows how or why he created Larry, except perhaps to reduce
> productivity at the Jet Propulsion Labs at NASA. [Rumors are that God
> created Larry because he secretly liked what Dennis and Brian had done
> with C, but didn't think C and Unix was enough -- this probably isn't
> true because God believed he had destroyed Brian and Dennis' plans by
> destroying Plans 1-7, and by creating Microsoft to slay their beloved
> Anyhow, Larry created Perl (using Unix and C, of course), and God saw
> it was good, so he made Randal. Larry and Randal wrote books about
> Perl. And everyone saw that this was good, except snobs who were too
> much into C, Windows, and Intel. (It so happens that Randal was so
> cool he figured out a way to break into Unix at Intel, and Intel sued
> him for it but that's another story also -- chances are Randal would
> not have been able to break into *Plan 9* at Intel, but Intel isn't
> cool enough to be running Plan 9)
> Anyhow, back to Randal. So Randal and Larry wrote books, but they had
> to be nice because of the people they worked for. So then came Tom.
> But back to Tom later.
> Anyhow, God saw Netscape (made using Unix and C, of course), and he
> saw it was good, and that annoyed Bill quite a bit. And that made Him
> very happy, and made Marc very rich. But Bill was very very rich. But
> that's a *completely* different story.
> But as good as Larry's creation, Perl, was, it couldn't do everything,
> so God created Scott. Scott announced Java, and this was big news. Now
> Java really pissed Bill off, because Bill also created Blackbird, and
> Java killed Blackbird. This was bad because killing Blackbird also
> meant killing the Microsoft Network. And many rejoiced over that, but
> that, too is another story.
> Now Java, obviously had done much to annoy Bill. For Java was so good
> that Bill had to license Java. All this time, Scott poked lots of fun
> at Bill because Sun, which was where Scott worked, made a better OS,
> derived -- of course -- from Unix, which was better than Bill's and
> Microsoft's Windows.
> Anyhow, even God's creations Steve and Steve who created Apple
> couldn't make Bill license the much superior MacOS. But finally, Bill
> had to license Java. So justice was served, and Bill's ego was served
> him on a platter for him to eat his words. Or something. That part is
> So by this time Windows and Microsoft and Bill in general really
> sucked. Especially considering the advantages that Brian and Dennis'
> C and Unix, running Marc's Netscape and Mosaic over Tim's World Wide
> Web, doing cool CGI stuff with Larry's Perl, which you learned from
> Randal and Tom, and got to program with Scott's Java.
> And God realized he had put Bill down too far. So then God made it so
> that Marc's Netscape and Mosaic could run on Windows. We already know
> that Bill had to license Java from Scott. We know that Bill missed
> the boat for not beating Tim to the punch on the World Wide Web. The
> last straw was for God to make it possible for Larry's Perl to run on
> Bill's Windows.
> So back to Tom. Tom was a Perl God. And God didn't like this, but
> Tom's a God so there isn't much God could do, so He couldn't stop Tom
> from saying things like "install an operating system on your poor
> lonely computer the way God and Dennis intended", and "Espousing the
> eponymous /cgi-bin/perl.exe?FMH.pl execution model is like reading a
> suicide note -- three days too late."
> The moral to the story? God is fickle. That's why Microsoft and Bill
> and Windows exists. Do what God intended, install C, Unix,
> Mosaic/Netscape, Java, and Perl on your system, and make Brian,
> Dennis, Larry, Tim, Tom, Randal, Scott, and even Steve and Steve,
> I'm sure, happy by doing so.
> Oh yeah, Linus was cool too. He's the guy you thank for being able to
> run all the cool stuff on your crappy little Pee Cee. (anything with
> x86 on it, by default, is crappy, no PERSONAL flames intended)
> Andrew Bennett MIT Department Ocean Engineering
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