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[humorix] Scientists Discover Network-Based Lifeforms

Scientists Discover Network-Based Lifeforms
Jonathan Day, jd9812@my-deja.com
February 2, 2000

Researchers in the field of Cryptonet-Zoology issued the
following announcement today, after several years of
painstaking research into the phenomena of "Network Lag":

"We have successfully identified three new species of life
within the Internet, and two new habitats. Our research
indicates that these are having a significant impact on the
usage of the Internet.

Extensive studies led to the discovery of Network Buffalo,
a species of buffalo which now exists entirely within
analog and digital networks. Our research indicates that a
technician at MIT left the back of a computer open, in the
early 60's, which allowed the buffalo to enter. Since then,
they have been grazing on clumps of packets and
substantially changing the electronic ecosystem. Some
buffalo also broke into the old analog phone system, prior
to the installation of cattle grids on Internet gateways.
By supersampling the sound of so-called 'phone static', we
have shown this to be the animal calls between the buffalo.

Additional research led us to the discovery of Router
Swamps. Drinks spilled onto keyboards drip down the wires
and collect in pools at the bottom of the routers. These
eventually become swamps, which unwary connections can fall
into. Inhabiting these swamps is a species of digital
alligator, previously unknown to science. These alligator
feed off the trapped connections, and other nearby prey.
Extensive tests with traceroute indicate that connections
sometimes do escape these swamps, but injuries can be

Lastly, we wish to introduce to the world a third species,
an electronic penguin. It has long been known that in the
aquatic depths of the Electron Ocean, there exist schools
of red herring, which confuse and mislead the unwary
voyager. The penguin (scientific name Tuxus Tuxus) eats
these in large quantities. Voyagers are advised to have
several of these penguin aboard, for safety."

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