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[humorix] That Could Have Been Me!

That Could Have Been Me!
February 3, 2000

Thousands of Linux zealots are kicking themselves in
response to the VA Linux/Andover.Net MegaPortal merger[1]. 
"I had this brilliant idea for a Linux portal website back
in 1997," said "Bob16", a poor college student.  "But I
decided to drink beer instead of working on 'Bob16's Linux
Homepage'.  I could've been a billionaire like Taco Boy!"

Bob16 isn't alone.  "I was going to create this cool free
software repository called Freshbeef.org," said another
IPO-less Linux zealot with 20/20 hindsight.  "But I had
second thoughts about the idea.  Why would anyone visit my
site when they could just browse the Linux Software Map?"

One hacker has founded a small Support Group for other
people that missed the portal bandwagon -- and the
accompanying riches. "Not everybody can be Rob Malda," Mr.
Eric Poor, the founder of the People Without Portals
Support Group, admitted.  "Still, if we had played our
cards right, we could've been raking in the stock options
now. Besides, unlike Rob Malda, I can actually write a full
article without making a dumb spelling or grammatical

Mr. Poor then added, not realizing who he was talking to,
"One thing is sure, though, I'm glad that I never bothered
to found a Linux humor site.  That market segment is going
nowhere fast!"

Actually, Linux humor is looking more and more lucrative.
Humorix's Investor Relations Liason (Mr. G. E. Trich)
calculated, on the back of a napkin while eating lunch
today, that the total net worth of the Humorix website is

"I'm not making that number up," he said. "You see,
Andover.Net is being acquired for US$813 million[2].  Now,
Andover.Net handles 2.4 million unique visitors per
month[3]. That comes out to around $338 per visitor.  In
January, Humorix received about 10,000 unique visitors. 
So, $338 multiplied by 10,000 yields $3.38 million!"

He then added a disclaimer, "Nobody would acquire Humorix
unless we claimed a dot com domain name.  Unfortunately,
humorix.com is already taken by some Swedish guy that
actually has the first name of 'Humorix'.  I discussed the
matter with our lawyer Noah Morals; he doesn't think we can
snatch the domain from him without spending millions on
legal fees.  All of the other good domains --
LowBudgetLinuxPortal.com, LinuxMoneyMakingPortal.net,
LinuxFakeNewsAndPropaganda.com, LawyersAreEvil.com, and
NonStopBillGatesJokes.com -- have already been snatched by
domain squatters trying to resell them unsuccessfully on
eBay for $1 million a pop."

Any megaportals wishing to acquire this hot Linux PORTAL
property may send their offers to
give-us-money@i-want-a-website.com. Other corporations
unable to afford our asking price may still be interested
in our Advertising Rate Schedule[4]; we'll refrain from
poking fun at your company if you give us enough money.

[1] http://slashdot.org/articles/00/02/03/0823235.shtml
[2] http://linuxtoday.com/story.php3?sn=16081
[3] http://www.salon.com/tech/log/2000/02/03/slashdot/index.html
[4] http://i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/about.shtml#Advertising


James S. Baughn
Humorix:      Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note
Archive:      http://humbolt.nl.linux.org/lists/
Web site:     http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/