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humor 2000: Steven Wright Quotes

                              Nick's G-Rated Humor List

          If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always
          land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on
          the back of a cat and drop it?

          There aren't enough days in the weekend.

          I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time".
          So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

          I used to work in a fire hydrant factory.  You couldn't
          park anywhere near the place.

          I washed a sock.  Then I put it in the dryer.  When I
          took it out, it was gone.

          My socks DO match.  They're the same thickness.

          When I get bored I go to a Seven-Eleven and ask for a
          two-by-four and a box of three-by-fives.

          Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

          Even snakes are afraid of snakes.

          I saw a sign at a gas station.  It said "help wanted".
          There was another sign below it that said "self service".
          So I hired myself.  Then I made myself the boss.  I gave
          myself a raise.  I paid myself.  Then I quit.

HOMOGRAPHS: same spelling, but ....
Thanks to Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List
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The fisherman threw the bass onto a bass drum.
The dove dove into the bushes.
I did not object to the object being entered as evidence.
The insurance for the invalid was invalid.

HOMONYM TIME <<<<<<<<<<<<
Here's a sentence with three pairs of homophones (homonyms).
"The knight was too hoarse to go out at night on his horse."

Today's Anagram:  A Decimal Point == I'm a Dot in Place

Exercising Opinions:
	I do one sit up a day. Half a situp in the morning
	when I get up, and the other half when when I lie
	down at night.                    (credit: Arlan)

Thanks to subscriber "bucsncwbys" for
these discoveries that come with age.

All the reports are in: Life is now officially unfair.

It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few.

It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

Only time the world beats a path to your
door is when you're in the bathroom.

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              humor                            1.94.3 9908