humor 2000: Tech Support for WIFE 1.0

[Nick Brown <nbrown@polymail.cpunix.calpoly.edu>]

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To: Technical Support

Subject: Software Problems

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the
new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space
and valuable resources. No mention of their phenomenon was included in the
product brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches
during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity.
Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5 and Saturday
Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.

I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run
some other of my favorite applications. I am  thinking about going back to
Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on this program. Can you
help me, please!!!
						Joe


Dear Joe,

This is a very common problem that men complain about and is mostly due to
primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0
with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a Utilities and Entertainment
program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run
everything. Its unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still
convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden Operating files within your system
would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is
impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system
once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is
not designed to do this.

Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with even
more problems. Look in the manual under Alimony/Child Support. I recommend
you keep Wife 1.0 and deal with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed
myself, I might suggest you read the entire section regarding General
Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults
and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause!

The best solution in this case is to enter the command C:\Apologize. In any
case avoid excessive use of the Esc key, because ultimately you will have
to give the C:\Apologize command before the operating system returns to
normal.

In closing, I might state the Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high
maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance
of Wife 1.0. I recommend programs such as Flowers 2.1 and Expensive Dinner
5.0 with continuous upgrades. In fact some applications such as New Car 2.0
and Vacation 3.5 can remedy some of the worst cases of Wife 1.0. DO NOT,
under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3 or Fishing
Weekend 6.0!! These applications are not supported by Wife 1.0 and are
likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

				Best of Luck
				Tech Support

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