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humor: FOR SATURDAY oct 15 -- Student Bloopers

                              Nick's G-Rated Humor List

From: Jim Mica <jmica@ITHACA.EDU>

    I'm sure most HUMORists are familiar with Richard Lederer's
wonderful collection of student bloopers garnered from exams and
papers he has graded over the years.  If you have not seen this
collection, go to any WEB searcher and type in "student bloopers"
and you'll get a reference.

    But, the idea of collecting funny statements from students
goes back long before Mr. Lederer started his work.  Witness these
gaffes from earlier in the 20th century.            Jim Mica

from  "The World's Best Jokes"  Lewis Copeland (Ed.)
Garden City, New York: Garden City Books, 1936. (pp. 295-303)

To keep in good health,
inhale and exhale once a day,
and do gymlastics.

An optimist is a doctor who looks
after your eyes. A pessimist is one
who attends to your feet.

A papal bull was a ferocious bull
kept by the Popes to trample on Protestants.

A litre is a lot of newborn puppies.

Nitrogen is not found in a free state.
It has been discovered in England but not in Ireland.

Rotation of crops is so that they can get the sun on all sides.

Seats of Congressmen are vaccinated every two years.

The hardships of Puritans were what they came over in.

Natural immunity is catching a disease without the aid of a physician.

The Crusades was trips to drive the turkey out of the Holy Land.

A mammal is an animal that succors its ancestors.

Skylark is the leading character in Shelley's Merchant of Venice.

Mercury was the god of weather,
because he is found in thermometers.

The Romans prosecuted the early Christians
because they disapproved of gladiola fights
and would not burn insects before the statue
of the Emperor.

The chief invention in Egypt was dams to irrigate the Nile.

An omelet is a charm worn around the neck in India.

Martyr is the Latin for mother.

The Moratorium is the largest ocean liner.

Fiction are books which are fixed
to the shelves and cannot be removed.

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              humor                            1.94.3+ 9908