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humor: oct 10 -- I'll be Bach!!

                              Nick's G-Rated Humor List

>From Tom Ervin

Once there was a Hittite who was sick and tired of all the
Hittite jokes. So one evening he went home and memorized all
the state capitals.

Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a
Hittite joke. He interrupted him with a shrill announcement,
"I've had it up to here with these Hittite jokes. I want you
to know that I did something probably none of you could
do...I memorized all the state capitals."

One of the guys, of course, said "I don't believe you.
What is the capital of Nevada?"   "N," he answered.


One thing to remember when eating in a German restaurant:
No matter how bad the appetizer is, the wurst is yet to come...


>From Kenneth R. Johnson"

The Tate Family

How many members of the Tate family belong to your

There is old man Dic Tate, who wants to run everything,
while Uncle Ro Tate tries to change everything. Their
sister-in-law Agi Tate stirs up plenty of trouble, with
help from her husband, Irri Tate.

Whenever new projects are suggested, Hesi Tate and his
wife Vege Tate, want to wait until next year. Then there
is Aunt Imi Tate, who wants your organization to be like
all the others. Devas Tate provides the voice of doom.

And of course, there is the black sheep of the family,
Ampu Tate, who has cut himself off from the mainstream!

But not all the members of the Tate family are bad.
Facili Tate is quite helpful. And a delightful, happy
member of the family is Miss Felici Tate.

Cousins Cogi Tate and Medi Tate are always thinking things
over and lend helpful, steady hands.


Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching
Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town.
They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.

As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the employee who was taking
their order, "Could you please settle an argument for us?  Would you please
pronounce where we are... very slowly?"

The girl looked at her curiously, then leaned over the counter and said,
"Burrrrrrrr, gerrrrrrr, Kiiiiing"

>From Steven C Staats

Q:  What kind of horse is on the back of the new
    Delaware commemorative twenty-five cent piece?
A:  A quarter horse


>From Lynann Rayborn
A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.

A friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those
sporty 4-Wheel drive vehicles."

"She did," he replied. "But where would I find a fake Jeep?"


>From Barbara A Bakie

I went to a bookstore and asked the sales clerk
where to find the self-help section.  She said if
she told me, it would defeat the purpose.


>From Barbara A Bakie

Steven Spielberg was discussing his new project -- an action docudrama
about famous composers starring top movie stars. Sylvester Stallone,
Steven Seagal, Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwarzenegger being courted
for the top roles.

Spielberg really hoped to have the box office "oomph" of these
superstars, so he was prepared to allow them to select the composers
they would portray, as long as they among the most famous.

"Well," started Stallone, "I've always admired Mozart. I would love to
play him."

"Chopin has always been my favorite, and my image would improve if people
saw me playing the piano," said Willis. "I'll play him."

"I've always been partial to Strauss and his waltzes," said Seagal. "I'd
like to play him."

Spielberg was very pleased with these choices. "Sounds splendid." Then,
looking at Schwarzenegger, he asked, "Who do you want to be, Arnold?"

Arnold replied, "I'll be Bach."

                         (- o)

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              humor                            1.94.3+ 9908