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humor: nov 14 -- Sunday Stuff

                              Nick's G-Rated Humor List

There was a lady who was visiting a church one Sunday.
The sermon seemed to  go on forever, and many in the
congregation fell asleep.

After the service, to be social, she walked up to a very
sleepy looking gentleman, extended her hand in greeting,
and said, "Hello, I'm Gladys Dunn."

And the gentleman yawned, "I'm glad it's done too!"

				[forwarded by JR]


A small boy stunned his parents after church one Sunday when he began to
empty his pockets of nickels, dimes and quarters. Finally his mother asked
the obvious question, "Where did you get all that money?"

"At Sunday school," the boy replied nonchalantly. "They have bowls of it."

[forwarded by JR]



To make it possible for everyone
to attend church this Sunday, we are
going to have a special "No Excuse Sunday":

Cots will be placed in the foyer for
those who say, "Sunday is my only
day to sleep in."

There will be a special section with
lounge chairs for those who feel
that our pews are too hard.

Eye drops will be available for those
with tired eyes from watching TV
late Saturday night.

We will have steel helmets for those
who say, "The roof would cave in if
I ever came to church."

Blankets will be furnished for those
who think the church is too cold,
and fans for those who say it is too hot.

Scorecards will be available for those
who wish to list the hypocrites present.

Relatives and friends will be in
attendance for those who can't go
to church and cook dinner, too.

We will distribute "Stamp Out Stewardship"
buttons for those that feel the church is
always asking for money.

One section will be devoted to trees and
grass for those who like to seek God in nature.

Doctors and nurses will be in attendance
for those who plan to be sick on Sunday.

The sanctuary will be decorated
with both Christmas poinsettias and
Easter lilies for those who never
have seen the church without them.

We will provide hearing aids for
those who can't hear the preacher and
cotton wool for those who think he's too loud!

Hope to see you there!



Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.

For safety's sake, travel in pairs.

Speed isn't always an advantage. The cheetahs were on board,
but so were the snails.

If you can't fight or flee -- float!

Take care of your animals as if they were the last ones on earth.

Don't forget that we're all in the same boat.

Remember that the ark was built by amateurs and
the Titanic was built by professionals.

Remember that the woodpeckers INSIDE are often a
bigger threat than the storm outside.

No matter how bleak it looks, there's always a rainbow on the other side.

Don't miss the boat.

			[forwarded by Maggie Tomlinson]

     From MIKEY'S FUNNIES, brought to you
     by Mike Atkinson @ YOUTH SPECIALTIES
           Youth Ministry on the Net:
           Real Help for Real Ministry

Thots for the Day:

		I don't have a solution,
		but I admire the problem.

		I haven't lost my mind, it's
		backed up on disk somewhere.

		I have the body of a god...Buddha.

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              humor                            1.94.3+ 9908