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humor: nov 15 -- Raising Kids ...

                              Nick's G-Rated Humor List
Thoughts on Raising Kids.....

If it was going to be easy, it never
would have started with something
called labor!

Shouting to make your children obey
is like using the horn to steer your
car.  You get about the same results.

To be in your children's memories tomorrow,
you have to be in their lives today.

The smartest advice on raising children is to
enjoy them while they are still on your side.

The best way to keep kids at home
is to give it a loving atmosphere --
and hide the keys to the car.

The right temperature in a home
is maintained by warm hearts,
not by hot heads.

Parents are people who bare infants,
bore teenagers, and board newlyweds.

The joy of motherhood: What a woman experiences
when all the children are finally in bed.

Life's golden age is when the kids are too old to need baby-sitters
and too young to borrow the family car.

Any child can tell you that the sole purpose of a middle name
is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

Grandparents are similar to a piece of string ~ handy to have around
and easily wrapped around the fingers of grandchildren.

A child outgrows your lap, but never outgrows your heart.

God gave you two ears and one mouth....
so you should listen twice as much as you talk.

There are three ways to get something done: Do it yourself,
hire someone to do it, or forbid your children to do it.

Adolescence is the age when children try to bring up their parents.

You know the only people in this world who are always
sure about the proper way to raise children?
Those who've never had any.

Cleaning your house while your kids are at home
is like trying to shovel the driveway during a snowstorm.

Oh, to be only half as wonderful as my child thought I was when he was
small, and half as stupid as my teenager now thinks I am.

There are only two things a child will share willing:
communicable diseases and his mother's age.

Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.

Adolescence is the age at which children stop asking questions
because they know all the answers.

An alarm clock is a device for awakening people
who don't have small children.

Why is it that our children
can't read a Bible in school,
but they can in prison?

No wonder kids are confused today.
Half the adults tell them to find themselves;
the other half tell them to get lost.

The people hardest to convince
that it's time for retirement
are children at bedtime.

Kids really brighten a household;
they never turn off any lights.

================ !!!!!!!!!!! =================
Thanks to Randy Walker <walkers4@pacbell.net>
who mails out Funny Bone <funnyguy@spunge.org>
================ !!!!!!!!!!! =================

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              humor                            1.94.3+ 9908