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humor: nov 25 -- Thanksgiving Day, USA
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Nick's G-Rated Humor List
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> """"""""'""'""'"""""'""""'""'"""'"""""''"'"""^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
YOU CAN OVER-DO THANKSGIVING IF...
* You spill more food on you than the local soup kitchen dispenses
* Paramedics bring in the Jaws of Life to pry you out of the EZ-Boy
* Your after dinner moans are loud enough to signal Dr. Kevorkian
* The "Gravy Boat" your wife set out was a real 12' boat!
* The potatoes you used set off another famine in Ireland
* Your "Big Elvis Super-Belt" won't even go around your waist
* You receive a Sumo Wrestler application in your e-mail
* You set off 3 earthquake seismographs on your morning jog Friday
* Pricking your finger for cholesterol screening only yielded gravy
* You have 5 TV sets side-by-side to catch all the football games
* A guest quotes a Biblical passage from "The Feeding of the 5000"
* That rash on your stomach turns out to be steering wheel burn
* Your wife wears a life jacket at night in your water bed
* Representatives from the Butterball Hall of Fame called twice
* It looks like the left-overs are gonna last until Christmas
* Your arms are too short to reach the keyboard & delete this
Jim Moore Jr. <http://www.geocities.com/BourbonStreet/6293>
UGA Humor List <HUMOR@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU>
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DEFINITIONS FOR MY HUSBAND ON THANKSGIVING DAY
by Shan Kish
PLAYBOOK: Also known as my cookbook, to be kept in plain sight at all
times, if the book gets moved, the game could get ugly.
OFFSIDES: Silverware is to be set next to the plates... off to the side
dear, not tossed in the middle of the table in a heap, for all to
scramble for.
GAME TIME: This is when the food must all be on the table, at the same
time, at the same temperature (preferably hot) so that the *teams* may
meet at the arena (Table) for the coach to say the prayer.
TEAM SPIRIT: That which shall be upheld until the END of the game.
When the coach (ME) has heard the fat lady sing (AUNT MARTHA saying that
she's had enough to eat).
COMMERCIAL BREAKS: There will be NONE for us, until I deem them totally
necessary for my sanity, when you have made me crazy!
PENALTIES: Will be given if there is no team spirit showing and the
game time is DELAYED or offsides have occurred due to a certain
*televised* football game engaging your attention!
HOLDING: May be necessary of several large bowls, so that I may pour
gravy without staining my new silk blouse. And keep in mind dear, I am
HOLDING the clicker for the T.V. for ransom ;).
TOUCHDOWNS: Please make them gentle when bowls are being touched down
on the table, do not spike them, do not dance when the mission is
complete!
FLAG ON THE PLAY: When something is spilled, PLEASE by all means throw
a towel down on it and mop it up!
RUSHING: What we will be doing a lot of!!
and last but not least...
GROOMING THE FIELD: Dear husband, if you help me through this meal,
as I know you will, I promise to RECRUIT new players for the clean up
and YES... in plenty of time for you to enjoy the REAL GAME!!!
Frank Morris 'BTIMCA' <popu70@rev.net>
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SERIOUS STUFF (PRETEND THIS IS SUNDAY)
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
NICK WAS HONORED TO BE ON A SELECT MAILING
LIST AND RECEIVED THIS FROM ONE OF HIS
FORMER STUDENTS (AND CURRENT FRIENDS)
Thanksgiving shouldn't be just a
once-a-year thing but rather an attitude
that permeates our entire lives and
all of our actions. I just wanted to
write to you all and thank you for
the blessing (in one way, another, or
both) that each and every one of you
have been to me (I know this because
I doublechecked who I'm sending this to). :-)
..............
And for those of us (which is almost everyone
on this list thankfully) who know the saving
love of Christ, we have more to be thankful
for than we'll ever be able to express. For
we who were once far away have been brought
near by the blood of Christ.
THANKS, KEVIN. HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO YOU, TOO!
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humor 1.94.3+ 9908
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