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humor: dec 06 -- One Liners

                              Nick's G-Rated Humor List

At -90 degrees Farenheit the moisture in your breath
will freeze in midair and fall to the ground.

Research indicates that mosquitoes are attracted
to people who have recently eaten bananas.

There are more stars in the universe than grains of
sand on all the beaches in the world.

Everyday more money is printed for the game of
Monopoly than for the U. S. Treasury.

Men get hiccups more often than women.

Men can read smaller print than women;
women can hear better than men.

Scientists say the average person eats about 2 pounds of bugs a year.
That's mostly because insects accidentally get ground up in foods like
peanut butter, strawberry jelly, and spaghetti sauce. They won't hurt you,
they're actually full of protein.

The glue on postage stamps in Israel is certified kosher.


If you take an Oriental person and spin him around
several times, does he become disoriented?

If people from Poland are called "Poles",
why aren't people from Holland called "Holes"?

Why do we say something is out of whack?
What is a whack?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist,
but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

IRS -- Be Audit You Can Be

Gravity...It's Not Just a Good Idea.  It's the Law.

If You Want Breakfast In Bed, Sleep In the Kitchen

The Old Pro...Often Wrong...Never In Doubt

If At First You Don't Succeed, Skydiving Isn't For You

Old Age Comes at a Bad Time

In America, Anyone Can Be President.
That's One of the Risks You Take.

	The following three pieces have to do with wives.
	They do not necessarity reflect my own opinion,
	and I have my wife's permission to say that.  :-)

I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months.
I don't like to interrupt her.

Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa
     a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.

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              humor                            1.94.3+ 9908