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humor: dec 16 -- An Early Merry Christmas!!

                              Nick's G-Rated Humor List

Beginning today Nick is taking a break from sending out
Humor List messages. My friend Tim might send out one of
my pre-composed messages every few days. Daily emailings
from Nick will begin again about December 29.

	Until then,
			Merry Christmas to those who share it.
			Happy holidays to those who do not.

				Nick Brown

Christmas Dinner
tune: Frere Jaques

Christmas dinner, Christmas dinner,
Gather round, gather round.
Who will get the drumstick?
Who will get the drumstick?
All sit down,  All sit down.

Cranberry muffin, chestnut stuffin',
Mincemeat pie, one foot high.
All of us were thinner,
Till we came to dinner.
Me oh my, me oh my!

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>  Y2K POEM  <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

'Twas the night before New Year
And, snug in my bed,
I snored through the evening,
Sweet dreams in my head.

But just after midnight
I was rudely awakened
By sounds at my neighbor's house
What could be makin' 'em?

More curious than worried
I made for the door
After getting my robe
(Carefully hung on the floor).

The house was all toasty,
The heating was on.
I reached for the light switch
But the power was gone.

And then I remembered
The bulb had burned out.
So I went to the next one
It was working, no doubt.

When my eyes had adjusted
To the brightness around,
I went to the door
To identify the sound.

And there, to my horror,
My neighbor was sprawled.
He'd tripped on the sidewalk,
"Come help me!", he bawled.

I helped him get up,
And dusted him off,
He thanked me profusely,
Much more than enough.

We stood there and chatted
For quite a long while.
It was good to be social,
We both wore a smile.

And soon we recalled
That this was the night
That the world as we know it
Would be under the blight

Of the Y2K bug,
That millennial curse,
But it seemed just like normal,
No better, no worse.

We went to our beds
And slept very well.
I woke in the morning
Feeling, fine, fit and well.

The power stayed on,
The water was good,
The stores were supplied
With plenty of food.

And now that it's April
2000 A.D.
We've finally declared
By federal decree

That the fuss and the bother
Of the Y2K bug
Has been officially and finally
Swept under the rug.

			Maurice Boardman

<<<<<<<<   SERIOUS STUFF   >>>>>>>>

(anonymous, edited by N Brown)

'Twas the night before Jesus came back to the Earth
Precious few folk were praying. rememb'ring His birth.
Most Bibles were lain on a shelf without care
In hopes that Jesus would never come there.

The children were dressing to crawl into bed,
Not once ever kneeling or bowing a head.
And Mom in her rocker with baby on lap
Was watching the Late Show while I took a nap.

When out of the east there arose such a clatter,
I sprang to my feet to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash
Ripped open the shutters with such a loud crash.

And what to my wondering eyes should appear
But angels proclaiming that Jesus was near.
With a light like the sun sending forth a bright ray
I knew in a moment this must be THE DAY!

The light of His face made me cover my head,
It was Jesus! Returning to Earth as He said.
And though I possessed worldly wisdom and wealth,
I cried when I saw Him in spite of myself.

In the Book of Life written and held in His hand
Was the name of ev'ry saved woman and man.
He spoke not a word as He searched for my name;
When He said "It's not here" my head hung in shame.

The people whose names had been written with love
He then gathered to take to His Father above.
With those who were ready He rose without a sound
While the rest of us, left behind, stood on the ground.

I fell to my knees then, but it was too late;
I had waited too long and had thus sealed my fate.
I wept and I cried as they rose out of sight;
If I'd only been ready for this special night.

The words of this poem have a message quite clear;
The coming of Jesus is still drawing near.
He said he'll return, and he'll do what He said.
So believe on him now and you've nothing to dread!

When He left Earth the first time He said he'd return.
When He does, please be ready or you'll have time to burn.
He'll be back here to judge us, as His Good Father willed.
And all Bible prophesies will then be fulfilled!

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