[Date Prev][Date Next][Thread Prev][Thread Next][Date Index][Thread Index]

humor: sep 14 -- Some Funny Things

                              Nick's G-Rated Humor List

Thanks to "The Funnies"  /////////////////////////////
To get on their list, send a blank email to:

A Change in Instructions Because...

During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist,
he informed his doctor that he was having trouble with one of his
medications.  "Which one?", asked the doctor.  "The patch.  The nurse
told  me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of
places to put it!"  The doctor had him quickly undress and discovered
what he hoped he wouldn't see....Yes, the man had over fifty patches on
his body!

Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a
new one.


Does It Really Bother You?

A man mentioned to his landlord about the tenants in the
apartment over his.  "Many a night they stamp on the floor and
shout till midnight."
   When the landlord asked if it bothered him, he replied, "Not
really, I usually stay up and practice my trumpet till about that
time most every night anyway."


Knowledge From  Pills:

A somewhat advanced society has figured how to package basic
knowledge in pill form.

A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what
kind of knowledge pills are available. The pharmacist says "Here's a
pill for English literature." The student takes the pill and swallows
it and has new knowledge about English literature!

"What else do you have?" asks the student.

"Well, I have pills for art history, biology, and world history,"
replies the pharmacist.

The student asks for these, and swallows them and has new knowledge
about those subjects.

Then the student asks, "Do you have a pill for math?"

The pharmacist says "Wait just a moment", and goes back into the
storeroom and brings back a whopper of a pill and plunks it on the

"I have to take that huge pill for math?" inquires the student.

The pharmacist replied, "Well, you know ... math always was
a little hard to swallow."


Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is!

The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he
could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of
making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the
older worker had had enough.

"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said. "I will
bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to
that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back."

"You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "Let's see what you got."

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles.
Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."


Don't Use The Stairs:

An old lady, who lived on the third floor of a
boardinghouse, broke her leg. As the doctor put a
cast on it, he warned her not to climb any stairs.

Several months later, the doctor took off the cast.

"Can I climb stairs now?" asked the little old lady.

"Yes," he replied.

"Thank goodness!" she said.  "I'm sick and tired of
shinnying up and down that drainpipe!"


A Real Test of "Character"

A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He
handed out the tests and went back to his desk to wait.

Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The
professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to
his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."

The next class the professor handed the tests back out.
This student got back his test ... and $64 change.


Different Degrees:

The graduate with a Science degree asks,
	"Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks,
	"How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks,
	"How much will it cost?"
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks,
	"Do you want fries with that?"


He's your Father, Luke!

A young boy was looking through the family album and asked
his mother: "Who's this guy on the beach with you with all
the muscles and curly hair?"

"That's your father."

"Then who's that old bald-headed
fat man who lives with us now?"


Money Well Spent!

    A woman was having a medical problem - her husband snoring.
 So she called the doctor one morning, and asked him if there was
 anything he could do to relieve her "suffering."

    "Well, there is one operation I can perform that will cure
 your husband, but it is really rather expensive.  It will cost
 $1000 down, and payments of $450 for 24 months, plus payments
 for extras."

    "My goodness!" the woman exclaimed, "sounds like leasing a
 new sports car!"

    "Humm," the doctor murmured, "too obvious, huh?"

 ARCHIVES OF PAST ISSUES: http://www.NicksHumor.net/archive
 Thanks for telling your friends about this humor list.
 Send G-Rated submissions to: submit@NicksHumor.net
 SUBSCRIBE/UNSUBSCRIBE online: http://www.nickshumor.net/subscribe.html
 To subscribe, unsubscribe or change to digest version of this list
 send an empty email message to:  info@nickshumor.net
 To report trouble with list send to: help@NicksHumor.net
              humor                            1.94.3+ 9908