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[humor] star wars

[jahess:  If you haven't received humor messages from me before it is 
because I generally don't forward them.  This is an exception...]

From: Daniel Francom <dfrancom@boxelder.k12.ut.us>
To: ...
Subject: Star Wars addition
Date: Wednesday, September 15, 1999 7:38 AM

I just heard there's going to be an extra scene included in the DVD 
release of EMPIRE STRIKES BACK coming up next year!

Basically, it expands on the scene where Vader reveals his fatherhood 
to Luke, and ties up some loose ends created with the release of 
Episode 1...

The Empire Strikes Back: Extra-Special Edition

A furious light saber duel is underway. DARTH VADER is backing LUKE 
SKYWALKER towards the end of the gantry.

A quick move by Vader, chops off Luke's hand! It goes spinning off 
into the ventilation shaft.

Luke backs away. He looks around, but realizes there's nowhere to go 
but straight down.

Darth Vader: Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father.

Luke: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!

Darth Vader: No... I am your father!

Luke: No, it's not true! It's impossible.

Darth Vader: Search your feelings... you know it to be true...

Luke: NO!

Darth Vader: Yes, it is true.. and you know what else? You know that 
brass droid of yours?

Luke: Threepio?

Darth Vader: Yes... Threepio... I built him... when I was 7 years old...

Luke: No...

Darth Vader: Seven years old! And what have you done? Look at 
yourself, no hand, no job, and couldn't even levitate your own ship 
out of the swamp...

Luke: I destroyed your precious Death Star!

Darth Vader: When you were 20! When I was 10, I single-handedly 
destroyed a Trade Federation Droid Control ship!

Luke: Well, it's not my fault...

Darth Vader: Oh, here we go... "Poor me... my father never gave me 
what I wanted for my birthday... boo hoo, my daddy's the Dark Lord of 
the Sith... waahhh wahhh!"

Luke: Shut up!

Darth Vader: You're a slacker! By the time I was your age, I had 
exterminated the Jedi knights!

Luke: I used to race my T-16 through Beggar's Canyon...

Darth Vader: Oh, for the love of the Emperor... 10 years old, winner 
of the Boonta Eve Open... Only human to ever fly a Pod Racer... right 
here baby!

Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step towards it.

Darth Vader: I was wrong... You're not my kid... You're not good 
enough to be my kid.

Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then plunges down the shaft.

Darth Vader looks after him.

Darth Vader: Get a haircut!

Jonathan Hess
ViviStar Consulting
mailto:jahess@vivistar dot com