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humor: oct 02 -- Nick gets letters!!

                              Nick's G-Rated Humor List

>From Clarissa
Love the amoeba jokes except for one thing: The plural of amoeba is
amoebae.  In the introduction to the first batch you got it right,
but ....

	Nick replies: I can't find where I misspelled the
	word, but my apologies to the uncountable gazillions
	of AMOEBAE everywhere.

>From: Bob Di Giorgio
			Bob responds to a snail joke
			I sent out recently:
>  A man walks into a French restaurant and asks the waiter,
>  "Do you serve snails here?"
>  "Ah, but of course!" replies the waiter.
>  "OK", says the man, "I'll have the steak, and my
>   little friend here will have the garden salad."

The garden snails decided to have a race. They laid out a track in the
garden. They painted each racer in appropriate colors and an identification

At the starting flag, cars A, D and T got a quick start and were ahead of
the pack, competing for first place during the first half of the race. But
then car S, which started off way behind, started catching up. He passed
all the rear cars, and began closing on the three leaders. Staying to the
outside, he passed the three, and was out in front. He kept opening up his
lead. The crowd went wild. They kept cheering, "Look at that S car go!"

					Bob also had a follow-up
					to another quote I sent.
>If all the cars in the United States
>were placed end to end, it would
>probably be Labor Day Weekend.  --Doug Lars

If all the people who fell asleep in church
were laid end-to-end, they'd be much more comfortable.

		Bob sent along some other
		music-oriented pieces ....

Little boy at a cello recital to mother:
"When he saws it in half, can we go home?"

Little boy at a vocal recital: "Mother,
why is that man beating her with that stick?"
Mother tells him that the conductor is not
hitting her with his baton. "Then why is she
screaming so loud?"

	And this is a lovely variant
	of a Beethoven joke.  Thanks,
	Bob, for sharing a version that
	does not force up to open up
	Wolfie's coffin to discover that
	the noise was from his erasing
	his music manuscripts! ---- Nick

A newly-rich lady was trying to climb the social ladder.
She noticed that other rich people gave chamber music
concerts in their homes, so she did the same. She hired
a string quartet that was good enough to fill her home,
and the concert was glorious.

After a particularaly lovely piece, she stood up and asked
the leader who had written it. "Beethoven composed that piece,"
he replied.

"Oh, how wonderful," she gushed. "Is Beethoven still composing?"

"No, madam," said the musician. "Mr. Beethoven is decomposing."

			[[[[ ]]]]
[[[[  Bob, I am saving the other things you sent for later.  ]]]]
			[[[[ ]]]]

And finally, Bob Curran
sends some favorite
bumper stickers:

	If You Can Read This,
	I've Lost My Trailer.

	Eat Right,
	Die Anyway

	Caution - This Driver
	Is Legally Hittite!!!!

		(the reader is invited to translate that
		 last bumper sticker.  The word Hittite
		 is used to represent a maligned hair
		 color, at which point even a blind man
		 could get the joke .... which is not
		 intended to insult those of any hair
		 color.  Your mileage may vary.)

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              humor                            1.94.3+ 9908