humor: oct 08 -- Another Gaggle of Groaners (PUNS)

[Nick Brown <nbrown@polymail.cpunix.calpoly.edu>]

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                              Nick's G-Rated Humor List
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  Taken from the GROANERS mailings
  of Stan Kegel <kegel@fea.net>
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DEFINITIONS

	The use of amphibians for testing to determine the
	probable outcome of a disease or condition is called:
		Frognostication (By Stan Kegel)


Movie of the Week:

	Greer Garson plays a suburban housewife who drives
	the kids to soccer practice in a small buslike vehicle.
		"Mrs. Minivan".(By Ken Pinkham)

	Peter O'Toole as a developer building
	low-cost housing for the Saudis.
		"Low Rents of Arabia". (By Ken Pinkham)

AUTHORS

	"Unemployed" ... By Anita Job.
		(D. Cobie)

	"The Sword in History" by Ray Pierre
		(By Matin Conrad II)

	Last Night Of Freedom ... By Marion Tomorrow

	"Grave Mistakes" ... By Paul Bearer
		(D. Covey)

	"Your Future" .... By Horace Cope
		(Stan Kegel)

	Immanuel Kant's classical treatise on the
	"a priori" existence of desiccated grapes.
		 "Critique of Pure Raisin" ( Gill Krebs)


AND MORE ....

	Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
		Because if it had four,
		it would be a chicken sedan

	Where do elderly photographers go
	to live out their declining years?
		The Old Focus Home (By Gary Hallock)

	"Can Rex Reed?"
		"Yes, but Emmanuel Kant."

	 "Did William Tell?"
	 	"No, but Edgar Guest."

	Would Gary Player?
		No, but Tiger Wood.

	Yesterday, I watched Norm put his wife in a box and truck
	her to the Post Office. That's right, I saw Norman Mailer.

	In your estimation, who was Babe Ruth?
		A Ball Park Figure
			(By Lars Hanson)

	What's white and fluffy and swings through trees?
		A meringue utang.

	What do you call the highest ranking young
	kangaroo in the Catholic Church?
		The Joey Bishop.

	"The reception on the shortwave radio is clearer now,"
	Tom Swift said ecstatically.


	A new nurse listened while Dr. Blake was yelling,
	"Typhoid! Tetanus! Measles!" The new nurse asked
	another nurse, "Why is he doing that?" The other
	nurse replied, "Oh, he just likes to call the shots
	around here."

	In mid November each year, all male turkeys are gathered
	aboard a luxury ship for a well earned sea-going vacation.
	In nautical circles, this has become known as the Tom Cruise.

	What do cowboys use to signal each other
	during a midnight round-up?
		Communication Saddle Lights (By Stan Kegel)

	I'm campaigning for government-subsidized portable
	room dividers. Will you sign my partition?

	Little Gordon's dad had been promising for years that
	he could have a hunting bow when he turned 12. On his
	birthday he unwrapped his gift box revealing the
	long-sought-for bow. Yet Gordon was still disappointed.
	"But dad, where are the arrows?" His cautious father
	replied,  I never promised you arrows, Gordon."


David Bunch:

	I went walking down the Marjorie Main
	Until I came to the Allan Lane.
	I turned right at the Clark Gable
	and headed towards the Natalie Wood
	which eventually gave way to the Steve Forrest
	known to house all sorts of creatures of the Oscar Wilde.
	Some time later I crossed over the Lloyd Bridges
	and passed by the W.C. Fields
	watched over by farmers which get their Ethel Waters
	down by the Dinah Shore
	of the great Veronica Lake.


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              humor                            1.94.3+ 9908
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