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[humorix] Are You Addicated to Slashdot?

Are You Addicted to Slashdot?
September 1, 1998

A group of recovering Dotheads have formed the Slashdot
Addicts Support Group.  The founder of the group said,
"Yes, I'm a Dothead!  And frankly, this addiction has had a
negative impact on my life.  At one point it was so bad
that I would get the shakes if I hadn't visited Slashdot
within the past hour.  I nearly failed my CS class because
I was always busy reading the latest Slashdot headlines
instead of doing my programming labs.  Thankfully I am now
recovering and I am offering my support to other Slashdot

Another former Slashdot junkie, Anonymous Coward, said,
"After suffering the harmful effects of Slashdotism, I
believe the recent study about online depression is true. 
Slashdot, in particular, made me feel bad.  Frequent flame
wars, name-calling, "first comment!" posts, and the
omnipresent news articles about the latest Microsoft
trangressions threw me into a depression spiral. 
Thankfully, with the help of the SASG, I am now

Are you a Dothead?  Take this short test to find out.

 - Do you submit articles to Slashdot and then reload the
main page every 3.2 seconds to see if your article has been
published yet?
 - Have you made more than one "first comment!" post within
the past week?
 - Have you ever participated in a Gnome vs. KDE or a Linux
vs. FreeBSD flamewar on Slashdot?
 - Do you have a link to Slashdot on your homepage?  Is
that link the only thing on your page?
 - Do you ever wish you could get Rob Malda's autograph? 
 - Do you worship Rob Malda?  More than Linus Torvalds?
 - Do you write humor articles about Slashdot?
 - Do you wake up at night, go to the bathroom, and fire up
your web browser to get your Slashdot fix on the way back?
 - Instead of a TV dinner, do you eat a Slashdot dinner?
 - Do you dump your date at the curb so you can hurry home
to visit Slashdot?
 - When shopping at the mall, do you run into a computer
store to see if they have a computer that can access
 - Do you dream about Slashdot?
 - Do you send Rob Malda a fan email every day?
 - Do you think of Slashdot when you order a taco at a
 - Do you run a Church of Slashdot website?
 - Are you a charter member of the Rob Malda Fan Club?
 - Do you forgo sex to visit Slashdot?
 - Do you run a Slashdot parody site called Dotslash? 
Crashdot?  Segfault?
 - Have you donated hardware to Slashdot?
 - Did you lease a T3 line so you could download Slashdot
 - Is Slashdot your only brower's bookmark?
 - Do you get a buzz when your browser finally connects to
 - Do you panic when your browser says "Unable to connect
to slashdot.org"?
 - Have you even made a New Year's Resolution to cut back
on Slashdot access... only to visit it at 12:01?
 - Have you ever put your mom on hold to finish reading an
interesting Slashdot article?

If you answered "Yes" to at least two questions, you are a
bona-fide Slashdot addict.  You can receive support for
your addiction by visiting the SASG at http://dothead.org
(or http://slashdont.org if the other site is offline).


James S. Baughn


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