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Joke: June 5 - Advice from Men to Women




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                              TODAY's JOKE
                              June 5, 1998
                           ====================
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                     ADVICE FROM MEN TO WOMEN
                          - Submitted by Kay Carrie
              ------------------------------------

        GENERAL DISCLAIMER FOR ANY WIVES OR
       GIRLFRIENDS WHO HAPPEN UPON A COPY OF THIS:
  
 
1) The floor is considered an acceptable clothing storage location.

2) Never ask me to purchase feminine products. Assume
    that I will come home with the wrong thing.

3) When watching TV hugging is always fine because I can
    still see the screen.  Kissing should only be done during
    timeouts and commercials.  Questions should also be
    limited to this period as you stand a much better chance of
    getting an immediate response.
 
4)  When we are watching your show and I change the
    channels during a commercial do not hassle me that they
    are over to change the channel back.  I always know when
    the timing is right.  Also, when we are channel surfing 
    do not ask me to go back, there was a good reason why I skipped it.

 5) If you need help with the laundry,  I am more than willing
    to carry it from the bedroom to the washer.  In my mind this is
    half the chore and I am now free to return to the couch.
 
 6) If I mention that a male friend of mine is allowed to do
    something it is not necessary for you to call his wife/girlfriend
    to discuss it.

5)  If you don't like the way I am driving close your eyes.
    And I would appreciate it if you would refrain from making
    that reverse inhaling alarmed noise.  I haven't hit anything
    yet and if I do it will be your fault.
 
6)  I go clothes shopping to buy, never to look.
 
7)  Just tell me what you want me to wear before I get
    dressed.  And remember that this takes me less than ten
    minutes no matter what the occassion is.  After all I am
    getting dressed, not getting ready.
 
8) Don't ask me if I prefer one outfit over another or if a
    certain accessory should be worn or not.  I consider this a
    no win situation and would rather just wait for you to get
    dressed while watching TV.
 
9)  If you want me to put the seat down when I am finished
    then you should leave the seat up when you are finished.
    It's only fair.  And stop giving me a hard time about missing the
    bowl. What do you expect from an organ that has a brain of its own.
 
10) I will cook anything as long as it is on the BBQ.
 
11) Yelling to me across the house sounds exactly like
    stadium crowd background noise to me.  I am not ignoring
    you.

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