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Joke: May 9/10 - Really Great Quotes

                    REALLY GREAT QUOTES               
                          - Submitted by Sam Smith
"Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot,
and anyone going faster than you is a moron."
   - George Carlin

"You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five
miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where
the hell she is."
   - Ellen DeGeneris

"I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain."
   - Carol Leifer

"A hotel is a place that keeps the manufacturers of 25-watt bulbs in
   - Shelley Berman

"Don't spend two dollars to dry clean a shirt. Donate it to the
Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a hanger. 
Next morning buy it back for seventy-five cents."
   - Billiam Coronel

"I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore
   - Dave Edison

"Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you?
 But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window."
   - Steve Bluestone

"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry."
   - Rita Rudner

"Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a
bank robbery has just taken place."
   - Johnny Carson

"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a
   - Will Rogers

"Never moon a werewolf."
   - Mike Binder