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(Fwd) [Fwd: Good Stuff]

I love cats... they taste just like chicken.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Cover me. I'm changing lanes.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

Happiness is a belt-fed weapon.

Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming in
terror like the passengers in his car.

Montana -- At least our cows are sane!

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a

Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!

When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Where there's a will, I want to be in it!

Okay, who stopped payment on my reality check?

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students!

Forget About World Peace... Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!

Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

We are born naked, wet and hungry.  Then things get worse.

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

He/She who laughs last thinks slowest. 

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Friends help you move.  Real friends help you move bodies.

Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

i souport publik edekasion

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'...till you can find a
big enough rock.

2 + 2 =3D 5 for extremely large values of 2.

I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with subatomic

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.

We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.

Back Up My Hard Drive? How do I Put It In Reverse?

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

Everyone has a photographic memory.  Some just don't have film.

Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. 

He's not dead, He's electroencephalographically challenged.

She's always late. Her ancestors arrived on the June Flower.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be
misquoted, then used against you.

I wonder: how much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Pardon my driving. I'm reloading.

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so

Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.

A day without sun shine is like, you know, night.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

"Do or Do Not. There is no TRY!"