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HUMOR: History Of The Net (fwd)

I *had* to pass this message on. BTW, is the Tom mentioned Tom Christensen
(sp?) and who is Tim?


Forwarded message:
> From owner-inet-access@earth.com  Mon Nov 11 06:29:58 1996
> Resent-Date: Mon, 11 Nov 1996 05:38:00 -0700 (MST)
> Resent-Message-Id: <199611111238.FAA12999@austin.bsdi.com>
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> From: "Ray Davis" <rdavis@masschaos.de.convex.com>
> Message-Id: <9611111338.ZM3382@masschaos.de.convex.com>
> Date: Mon, 11 Nov 1996 13:38:09 +0100
> X-Mailer: Z-Mail (3.2.1 10oct95)
> To: inet-access@earth.com
> Subject: HUMOR: History Of The Net
> Mime-Version: 1.0
> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii
> This is so good I couldn't resist sharing it with you all.
> Hope you don't mind a little humor...
> Forwarded-by: Keith Bostic <bostic@bsdi.com>
> Forwarded-by: Robert Tarrall <tarrall@solarz.Colorado.EDU>
> Forwarded-by: Chuck Buckley <cbuckley@swttools.fc.hp.com>
>                         History Of The Net
>                         ==================
>   First there was God. He was quite lonely so he created Dennis.
>   Dennis was unimpressed with God.
>   So,... God created Brian.
>   But, Brian got bored with God.
>   So Brian and Dennis started playing, and they created C. God saw C,
>   and saw that it was good. So he decided to let Brian and Dennis play
>   some more.
>   Then Brian and Dennis created Unix. God saw Unix, and he was jealous.
>   So he created Bill to torment Brian and Dennis and obscure their
>   creation (for God could not destroy Unix, for he secretly admired
>   its perfection).
>   So Bill created Microsoft. And Microsoft created Windows. And God saw
>   that it was bad, but it had market share, so he was happy. Then Bill
>   got cocky, and his ego got bigger than God's. So to knock Bill down a
>   couple of pegs, God put into effect, a wondrous plan.
>   First God created Tim. And Tim created the World Wide Web (using
>   Unix, of course). This was good, but not THAT good. So God created
>   Marc. Marc created Mosaic (using  Unix, of course). Mosaic created a
>   huge feeding frenzy that has got a lot of people who are reading this
>   their jobs.
>   But that's a different story. Mosaic was good, and God saw it was
>   good, so he allowed Marc to start Netscape. Back to this later.
>   But all this time Brian and Dennis started to make something better
>   than Unix called Plan 9 (because God was successful in foiling Brian
>   and Dennis' previous seven plans [there was no Plan 8 because Brian
>   and Dennis pulled the wool over God's eyes and just jumped to Plan 9,
>   which was too bright a move for even God to figure out.] )
>   Eventually, God figured out how to create Larry.
>   No one knows how or why he created Larry, except perhaps to reduce
>   productivity at the Jet Propulsion Labs at NASA. [Rumors are that God
>   created Larry because he secretly liked what Dennis and Brian had done
>   with C, but didn't think C and Unix was enough -- this probably isn't
>   true because God believed he had destroyed Brian and Dennis' plans by
>   destroying Plans 1-7, and by creating Microsoft to slay their beloved
>   Unix.
>   Anyhow, Larry created Perl (using Unix and C, of course), and God saw
>   it was good, so he made Randal. Larry and Randal wrote books about
>   Perl. And everyone saw that this was good, except snobs who were too
>   much into C, Windows, and Intel. (It so happens that Randal was so
>   cool he figured out a way to break into Unix at Intel, and Intel sued
>   him for it but that's another story also -- chances are Randal would
>   not have been able to break into *Plan 9* at Intel, but Intel isn't
>   cool enough to be running Plan 9)
>   Anyhow, back to Randal. So Randal and Larry wrote books, but they had
>   to be nice because of the people they worked for. So then came Tom.
>   But back to Tom later.
>   Anyhow, God saw Netscape (made using Unix and C, of course), and he
>   saw it was good, and that annoyed Bill quite a bit. And that made Him
>   very happy, and made Marc very rich. But Bill was very very rich. But
>   that's a *completely* different story.
>   But as good as Larry's creation, Perl, was, it couldn't do everything,
>   so God created Scott. Scott announced Java, and this was big news.  Now
>   Java really pissed Bill off, because Bill also created Blackbird, and
>   Java killed Blackbird. This was bad because killing Blackbird also
>   meant killing the Microsoft Network. And many rejoiced over that, but
>   that, too is another story.
>   Now Java, obviously had done much to annoy Bill. For Java was so good
>   that Bill had to license Java. All this time, Scott poked lots of fun
>   at Bill because Sun, which was where Scott worked, made a better OS,
>   derived -- of course -- from Unix, which was better than Bill's and
>   Microsoft's Windows.
>   Anyhow, even God's creations Steve and Steve who created Apple
>   couldn't make Bill license the much superior MacOS. But finally, Bill
>   had to license Java. So justice was served, and Bill's ego was served
>   him on a platter for him to eat his words. Or something. That part is
>   unclear.
>   So by this time Windows and Microsoft and Bill in general really
>   sucked. Especially considering the advantages that Brian and Dennis'
>   C and Unix, running Marc's Netscape and Mosaic over Tim's World Wide
>   Web, doing cool CGI stuff with Larry's Perl, which you learned from
>   Randal and Tom, and got to program with Scott's Java.
>   And God realized he had put Bill down too far. So then God made it so
>   that Marc's Netscape and Mosaic could run on Windows. We already know
>   that Bill had to license Java from Scott. We know that Bill missed
>   the boat for not beating Tim to the punch on the World Wide Web. The
>   last straw was for God to make it possible for Larry's Perl to run on
>   Bill's Windows.
>   So back to Tom. Tom was a Perl God. And God didn't like this, but
>   Tom's a God so there isn't much God could do, so He couldn't stop Tom
>   from saying things like "install an operating system on your poor
>   lonely computer the way God and Dennis intended", and "Espousing the
>   eponymous /cgi-bin/perl.exe?FMH.pl execution model is like reading a
>   suicide note -- three days too late."
>   The moral to the story? God is fickle. That's why Microsoft and Bill
>   and Windows exists. Do what God intended, install C, Unix,
>   Mosaic/Netscape, Java, and Perl on your system, and make Brian,
>   Dennis, Larry, Tim, Tom, Randal, Scott, and even Steve and Steve,
>   I'm sure, happy by doing so.
>   Oh yeah, Linus was cool too. He's the guy you thank for being able to
>   run all the cool stuff on your crappy little Pee Cee. (anything with
>   x86 on it, by default, is crappy, no PERSONAL flames intended)
> =======================================================================
> Andrew Bennett                         MIT Department Ocean Engineering
> MIT Room 5-424                                    77 Massachusetts Ave.
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