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humor: oct 22 -- In Other Words ...
Nick's G-Rated Humor List
All articles that coruscate with
resplendence are not truly auriferous.
(All that Glitters is not Gold.)
Sorting on the part of mendicants
must be interdicted.
(Beggars cannot be choosers.)
Male cadavers are incapable
of rendering any testimony.
(Dead men tell no tales.)
A revolving lithic conglomerate
accumulates no congeries of small,
green, biophytic plant.
(A Rolling Stone gathers no Moss.)
Members of avian species with
identical plumage tend to congregate.
(Birds of a feather flock together.)
solely cutaneous profundity.
(Beauty is only skin-deep.)
Freedom from encrustation's of
crime is proximal to rectitude.
(Cleanliness is next to Godliness.)
It is fruitless to become
lachrymose of precipitately
departed lacteal fluid.
(There's no sense crying over spilt milk.)
Eschew the implement of
correction and vitiate the scion.
(Spare the Rod and Spoil the Child.)
The stylus is more potent than the rapier.
(The Pen is Mightier than the Sword.)
It is fruitless to attempt to
indoctrinate a superannuated
canine with innovative manoeuvres.
(You can't teach an Old Dog new Tricks.)
Surveillance should precede salutation.
(Look before you leap.)
Scintillate, scintillate, asteroid minim.
(Twinkle twinkle little star)
The person presenting the ultimate
cachinnation possesses thereby the
(He who laughs the last, laughs the best.)
Exclusive dedication to necessitous
chores without interludes of
hedonistic diversion renders
Jack a hebetudinous fellow.
(All work and No Play makes Jack a dull boy.)
Individuals who make their abodes in vitreous
edifices would be advised to refrain from
catapulting petrious projectiles.
(Those who live glass houses should cast no stones.)
Where there are visible vapours having
their provenance in ignited carbonaceous
materials, there is conflagration.
(Where there is smoke, there will be fire.)
No remittance is given for actions
which are taken counter to the
codified body of juries prudence.
(Crime doesn't pay.)
Score one for the Hittites
Maurice Boardman writes ....
A Hittite walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the
loan officer. She says she is going to Europe on business for
two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says
the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so
the Hittite hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce parked
on the street in front of the bank.
Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car
as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into
the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks
later, the Hittite returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest,
which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your
business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but
we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you
out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us
is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The Hittite replies, "Where else in New York can I park my car
for two weeks for 15 bucks?"
Score one for the Hittites!!
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humor 1.94.3+ 9908