humor: oct 27 -- New Jewish Dictionary

[Nick Brown <nbrown@polymail.cpunix.calpoly.edu>]

=======================================================================
                              Nick's G-Rated Humor List
=======================================================================

= - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - =
  This comes from Harry <Whattadeal@aol.com>.  He sends
  out material of a Jewish ethnic and/or religious nature.
= - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - =

New Jewish Dictionary

BUBBEGUM n. Candy one's mother gives to her
grandchildren that she never gave
to her own children.

CHUTZPAPA n. A father who wakes his wife
at 4:00 a.m. so she can change the
baby's diaper.

DEJA NU n. Having the feeling you've seen
the same exasperated look on your
mother's face but not knowing exactly when.

DISORIYENTA n. When Aunt Sadie gets lost
in a department store and strikes up
a conversation with everyone she passes.

JEWBILATION n. Pride in finding out
that one's favorite celebrity is Jewish.

TORAHFIED n. Inability to remember one's lines when called to
read from the Torah at one's Bar or Bat mitzvah.

SANTASHMANTA n. The explanation Jewish children
get for why they celebrate Hannukah while the
rest of humanity celebrates Christmas.

MATZILATION v. Smashing a piece of matzo
to bits while trying to  butter it.

GOYFER n. A Gentile messenger.

HEBORT vb. To forget all the Hebrew one ever learned
immediately after one's Bar Mitzvah

MINYASTICS n. Going to incredible lengths and troubles
to find a tenth person to complete a minyan.

MAMATZAH BALLS n. Matzo balls that
are as good as mother used to make.

MEINSTEIN slang. "My son, the genius."

ROSH HASHANANA n. A rock 'n roll band from Brooklyn.


=====================

It's Yom Kippur and the congregation is praying fervently. Emotions are
rising. Suddenly the rabbi calls out, "God is everything, and I am nothing!"

The praying and davening continue, and the mood builds. Suddenly the cantor,
unable to contain the ecstasy, cries, "God is everything, and I am nothing!"

Izzie, the janitor, is sitting way in the back of the temple, praying with
all his heart. Overcome with the spirit of the evening, he too shouts, "God
is everything, and I am nothing!"

The cantor turns to the rabbi and says, "So look who thinks he's nothing."


=====================

Sammy has stolen the rabbi's gold watch.
He didn't feel too good about it, so he decided,
after a sleepless night, to go to the rabbi.

'Rabbi, I stole a gold watch.'
'But Sammy ! That's forbidden!
You should return it immediately!'

'What shall I do ?'
'Give it back to the owner.'

'Do YOU want it ?'
'No, I said return it to its owner.'

'But he doesn't want it.'
'In that case, you can keep it.'


 =======================================================================
 ARCHIVES OF PAST ISSUES: http://www.NicksHumor.net/archive
 =======================================================================
 Thanks for telling your friends about this humor list.
 Send G-Rated submissions to: submit@NicksHumor.net
-=======================================================================
 SUBSCRIBE/UNSUBSCRIBE online: http://www.nickshumor.net/subscribe.html
=======================================================================
 To subscribe, unsubscribe or change to digest version of this list
 send an empty email message to:  info@nickshumor.net
=======================================================================
 To report trouble with list send to: help@NicksHumor.net
=======================================================================
              humor                            1.94.3+ 9908
=======================================================================