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humor: nov 10 -- Lawrence Welk-isms
Nick's G-Rated Humor List
Lawrence Welk's mastery of English was not quite
100%. Here are some examples of his "Welkisms",
compiled by Dick Wilson, a sound mixer who worked on
"The Lawrence Welk Show" for more than three decades.
Lawrence WHO?? Welk was a band leader
whose "champagne music" was popular for
years both live and on his TV show.
A WUN and a TWO and a .....
"Now the band will play a medley of tunes
from World War Eye [World War I]."
During an audience warm-up: "I just wrote a book,
but don't go out and buy it yet, because I don't
think it's finished yet."
"There are good days and there are bad days,
and this is one of them."
Introducing a guest performer: "His act may start out
slow, but it tapers off."
Referring to rock music: "That's not my cup of dish."
"How do you spell conductor after C-U-N?"
To the band just before going on the air:
"Boys, look like you're having
fun, but don't have any."
"I just had an idea that went right over my head."
"Whenever you have a minute I'd like to see you right now."
To a performer who apologized for
being late and said he had no excuse:
"That's no excuse"
About a vocalist who auditioned: "She has a nice voice,
but she looks a little bit too much like Eleanor Roosevelt."
To the dress rehearsal audience about the use of a phony turkey
on the set of a Thanksgiving show: "Don't worry, folks, this will
be a real turkey when it gets on the air."
"I just let it in one ear and out the top of my head."
When a group of people came in to discuss problems in the band:
"You know, when people band together, it causes a house divided."
Referring to a singing duo he first heard perform at a nightclub:
"They were so good, I could hardly wait to get out of there."
"Boys, if you don't stick together,
how do you expect me to follow you-ah?"
"You know, it's a long world."
To the pianist who was rehearsing:
"Why do you do that?
You play too many notes already."
"That's what really broke the camel's straw."
After a jet plane flew over and disrupted rehearsal:
You know, those jet planes make masonic booms."
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humor 1.94.3+ 9908