humor: nov 13 -- Saturday Stuff

[Nick Brown <nbrown@polymail.cpunix.calpoly.edu>]

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                              Nick's G-Rated Humor List
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  This comes from Harry <Whattadeal@aol.com>.  He sends
  out material of a Jewish ethnic and/or religious nature.
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How can Jewish kids enjoy the classic "Green Eggs and Ham"?
In honor of Dr. Seuss (and with apologies to his estate)
here's a new ending for the story.

Sam!
Will you never see?
They are not KOSHER,
So let me be!

I will not eat green eggs and ham.
I will not eat them, Sam-I-am.
But I'll eat green eggs with a biscuit.
Or I will try them with some brisket.

I'll eat green eggs in a box.
If you serve them with some lox.
And those green eggs are worth a try
Scrambled up inside some matzoh brie!

And in a boat upon the river,
I'll eat green eggs with chopped liver!
So if you're a Jewish Dr. Seuss fan,
But troubled by green eggs and ham,
Let your friends in on the scoop:
Green eggs taste best with chicken soup!


]]]]]]]]]]]]]


ETERNAL JEWISH TRUTHS

The optimist sees the bagel,
the pessimist sees the hole.

If you can't say something nice,
say it in Yiddish.

It's not who you know, it's who you
know had a nose job.

WASPs leave and never say good-bye.
Jews say good-bye and never leave.

Israel is the land of milk and honey;
Florida is the land of milk of magnesia.

And what's so wrong with dry turkey?

Always whisper the names of diseases.

If you don't eat, it will kill me.

Anything worth saying is worth
repeating a thousand times.

Next year in Jerusalem. The year
after that, how about a nice cruise?

A bad matzoh ball makes a good
paperweight.

Without Jewish mothers,
who would need therapy?

There comes a time in every man's
life when he must stand up and tell
his  mother he's an adult. This usually
happens at around age 45.

If you're going to whisper at the
movies, make sure it's loud enough
for everyone else to hear.

What business is a yenta in? Yours.

The only thing more important than a good
education is a good parking spot at the mall.

Prozac is like chicken soup:
it doesn't cure anything,
but it makes you feel better.

Laugh now, but one day you'll be
driving a big Cadillac and eating
dinner at four in the afternoon.


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              humor                            1.94.3+ 9908
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