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humor: nov 28 -- Sunday Stuff
Nick's G-Rated Humor List
Selections from Frank Morris' WELCOME TO B*T*I*M*C*A
(Be Thankful It's Monday, Consider The Alternative)
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THOUGHTS FOR THE WEEK.....
It's never so bad that it can't get worse.
Beware of the innate hostility of inanimate objects.
The two riskiest days of the week are today and tomorrow.
Where there's smoke,
there's a second-hand smoker.
Don't bite the hand that's filling your cavity.
The White House effect is more dangerous than greenhouse effect.
If the lion and the lamb lie down together, which one sleeps first?
Horse sense keeps horses from betting on people.
No good deed goes far enough.
A gross error is 144 times worse than an error.
There's no place like here.
WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road,
But why it crossed, I've not been told!
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that
was good enough for us.
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
From: "Kenneth R. Johnson" <firstname.lastname@example.org>
A young boy came to Sunday School late. His teacher knew
that he was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was
The boy replied no, that he was going fishing but his dad told
him that he needed to go to church. The teacher was very
impressed and asked the boy if his dad had explained to him
why it was more important to go to church than to go fishing,
To which the boy replied, yes he did, dad said he didn't have
enough bait for both of us.
====================== SERIOUS STUFF
Is Your Hut Burning?
The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up
on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly
for God to rescue him, and every day he scanned the
horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming.
Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut
out of driftwood to protect him from the elements, and
to store his few possessions. But then one day, after
scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut
in flames, the smoke rolling up to the sky. The worst had
happened; everything was lost. He was stunned with grief
"God, how could you do this to me!" he cried.
Early the next day, however, he was awakened by the sound
of a ship that was approaching the island. It had come
to rescue him. "How did you know I was here?" asked the
weary man of his rescuers.
"We saw your smoke signal," they replied.
< ^ > < ^ > < ^ > < ^ > < ^ >
Now to interpret the smoke signal ----
It is easy to get discouraged when things are going bad.
But we shouldn't lose heart, because God is at work in
our lives, even in the midst of pain and suffering.
Remember, next time your little hut is burning to
the ground----it just may be a smoke signal that
summons grace of God.
For all the negative things we have to say to
ourselves, God has a positive answer for it:
You say: "It's impossible"
God says: All things are possible (Luke 18:27)
You say: "I'm too tired"
God says: I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28-30)
You say: "Nobody really loves me"
God says: I love you (John 3:16 & John 13:34)
You say: "I can't go on"
God says: My grace is sufficient
(II Corinthians 12:9 & Psalms 91:15)
You say: "I can't figure things out"
God says: I will direct your steps (Proverbs 3:5-6)
You say: "I can't do it"
God says: You can do all things (Philippians 4:13)
You say: "I'm not able"
God says: I am able (II Corinthians 9:8)
You say: "It's not worth it"
God says: It will be worth it (Roman 8:28)
You say: "I can't forgive myself"
God says: I FORGIVE YOU (I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1)
You say: "I can't manage"
God says: I will supply all your needs (Philippians 4:19)
You say: "I'm afraid"
God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear (II Timothy 1:7)
You say: "I'm always worried and frustrated"
God says: Cast all your cares on ME (I Peter 5:7)
You say: "I don't have enough faith"
God says: I've given everyone a measure of faith (Romans 12:3)
You say: "I'm not smart enough"
God says: I give you wisdom (I Corinthians 1:30)
You say: "I feel all alone"
God says: I will never leave you or forsake you. (Hebrews 13:5)
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